Insurance

I have never felt this kind of stress and worry, its different than anything. The horror of knowing you no longer have any insurance. I just found out to day that to stay on my dads insurance it is going to cost me 250 a month, that is as much as rent! I cant even make that much money and Im a college graduate! I took a low paying job for the satisfaction it brings and now I find out I am not going to beable to afford to live. On top of that I have no dental insurance and I learned that I have a cavity! Why didnt my dentist fill it when I had insurance!!?? I also need braces or mouth surgery because I have a class 3 overbite. I have no idea what I am going to do. I need to move home after this year, thats for sure. I do not want to move home but I need to. I need to find a job with insurance that is going to pay well and I need to get my life going. I have a degree for crying out loud and now Im scared to death becuase I dont have insurance. GOSH I HATE THE GROWN UP WORLD! why did i graduate so fast! why didnt i just take the time! why! why! why! I havent cried in a really long time but today it has all just hit me adn the tears came. I thought life was going great I thougth I would just take a year and do something I wanted, to work at this school even though I make no money just to see if I like it and want to go into this area of work, but now I am screwed. I just dont want to deal with this pressure Im not ready to be grown up, I want to go back to school and just start life over

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new apt

So I do live in the ghetto but tawns and I got everything set up and our apartment is freaking CUTE! I love it so much. We are decorating queens. THis week is and has been awesome. i checked out of remington forever! YAY. Tonight Louis and Greg are coming over for dinner.. cuz today they are coming back to provo. Im so excited this week everyone is coming back!! Brent will be here, well I guess that isnt too exciting cuz for the last 2 months he has decided to not communicate with me, I have no idea what I could have possibly done wrong to make him despise me but oh well! Maybe when he comes back he will talk to me and that would be awesome cuz my life would not be the same with out the humor brent brings into it. Ashley is going to be here which is WAY exciting. We can start movie fridays again and hang out yay! Sarah sadly will not be coming back and I just learned that Abby will be going on a mission!! CRAZY!! This is week is also the first week in a new ward and things are just guna be wonderful. School is going great. I love it I think I may want to teach 4th grade... Im not sure yet. Dental school still sounds nice. Ah I gotta go check my Brownies for tonight! peace.

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Moving/sick

Things have been interesting the last few days. Yesterday Tawnie checked into the ghetto and we were able to start moving our stuff. Its been taking forever because I have so much stuff and going up and down with one load at a time is long and hard. Tawnies stuff is already in and set up bc she doesnt have much but I still have a lot left to move. I need some extra hands! My calfs and forearms are so sore I could barley get outta bed this morning. My orem apt is on the top floor so there are 4 flights of stairs imagine going up and down them about 50 times carrying about 50 pounds each time... makes yah sore. On top of that I have a serious sinus infection. fever, chills, runny nose, sore throat, and my voice is gone. I dont care so much about being sick as I do about the fact that I wont beable to teach tomorrow unless my prayers are granted and my voice comes back. I dont want to miss school on the sceond week, I dont want to do that to the teacher or the kids, I need to be there so I hope my voice comes back during the night. Also when I am sick I cant sleep so things have been way rough but I just really need to be healthy enought to function tomorrow so I can go to work... I really hope that happens. I also really need to go to church, Tawnie only likes going to sacrament which is a challenge and today we went to try and find our ward and apparently they were meeting as a stake and we missed the meeting which really stinks. Starting next week its 3 hours of church every sunday from now on even if I have to go alone I really need to be there. Well even though we are living in the ghetto and problems may arise next week when certain people move back to Provo but on the good side our apt is starting to look really cute. Im worried though that the girls who will move in wont like it or will have their own stuff they want to use then we will have to redo everything so lets hope that all works out or problems may arise which will really suck. But I guess I need to get back to moving... eek.

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New Hair

The new hair... took 6 hours! But I love it!! School is also going great. Teaching math is so much fun, and I did story time today lol. Fun times. Tomorrow I move to the Ghetto.

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New Job

Today at 8am I started my new job, which will be my home away from home away from home for a year. Should be soo much fun. The kids are great and the teacher is wonderful. Today I got to do story time which was fun and tomorrow I start teaching the second grade math class!! Holy Cow should be interesting! There are 21 kids in the class I can already tell who are going to be the slow ones and who are going to be the trouble makers, then there are the favorites. Im really looking forward to this year. I had to stay like 20 min after cuz some mom didnt pick up their kid. So this week I get out of school well work at 1:30 because they have testing. Right now Tawnie and I are watching Pretty in Pink we just got home from walmart fun times fun times.

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Graduation

I have been on the top of the world this week. Life has been SOOOOO wonderful and I have been so grateful for everything. On Wed my friend COyles came to Utah, tawns and i picked her up from the airport. Then that night my mom got here and my dad came Thursday night. We were able to go to all my fav places and have so much fun. i showed my family byu and all the places i have lived (my dad has never been out here since i have lived here) On thursday mornign I had a job interview at franklin elementary school i went in at 7:30am and talked to her for 45 min but she had a meeting and wanted me to come back later so then coyles and my mom and i went to bridal veil and walked around then i went back to the school and she hired me on the spot! my first interview! so i am going to be her teachers assistant for a year and its a 1st/ 2nd grade split class which is exciting!! I am soo excited she is just an awesome lady and i am going to learn so much and it will be the funnest job haha so then if i like it i am going to get my teaching credentials and masters from CSUN so i will have to move back to cali ok so after i got the job i went to day 1 of graduation yah that was gay!! we had to line up in the hot sun and wait forever good thing i had coyles with me then we waled into the marriot center and listened to a bunch of stupid talks and everyone was falling asleep but oh wells so then oh my grandma was there also so after that oh man beofre that we went to rumbi which was really good after we came back to my apt and made stir fry and peach cobbler then my mom and grandma went to get my dad from the air port and coyles and i went to walmart and dyed our hair i just did the bottom browna dn she did her head red. then next day is when i showed everyone provo then we went and walked around campus and my dad bought me this awesome frame fro my diploma then we wnet to the FHSS graduation at 2 in the marriot center i was late and the last one to walk in lol and me and this other girl were alst and didnt even get to sit with the history people we were with the sociology people lol then we didnt know when hist was lining up in the hall and we almost missed it haha. so anyways i walked across the stage and got my fake diploma and holder it was really excitng then after we went to hogi yogi then we went to see nacho libre--stupid!! but aram :) and his friend candace came (aram had called me earlier that morning and asked if i wanted to go to see the js movie and go to lunch with friends but i had to graduate so we invited him to hang out with us that night) so then we went to PFChangs YUM yah way good and my parents gave me my grad present i almost had a heart attack in the restaurant umm they gave me money, how much is between me and them but lets just say wow. So after dinner we wnet to my place and hung around then went to see the lake house but... the sound didnt work so we saw x3. It was so much funt o see aram and hang out with him that kid is just awesome!! too bad he went back to cali today. oh and tawnie came to my graduation and all the other stuff i just said and so did my grandma ok so yah then today we went to cabellas oh man they have the best fudge!! then we went to a funeral for some cousing of my grandma but i got to see all my aunts which was good! after we went to the pie then i took mom and dad to the airport then coyles and i went back to salt lake and went to the gate way then washed my car and then back to the airport and got her all checked in. Now that everyone is gone im really sad i really miss my parents and coyles it was awesome having them out here although i was a total jerk the whole time i have no idea why well it could be cuz of no sleep stress and a little something else but thats no excuse and i feel terrible for not being nicer but yah know im really sad that they are all gone. tonight tawnie is coming back here (she has been staying at a family friends) i start work on monday . i found out i have a class 3 bite... yah i need braces again its the worst kind of bite i guess my braces were put on when my teeth were still growing and so that is why they are so messed up i also found out that it is not normal to have your eyes black out when you wake up or stand up fast or just cuz so yah i need to get that checked out a certain friend has still not called me despite my calls, not even on graduation one of the biggest events in someones life, which really hurts my feelings and i have been beating myself up trying to think of what i could have done wrong to this friend that this person would ignore me so but oh well sucks!! ok so tawns shal be here soon and despite the fact that i need braces and am going blind things have been so great! i mean i graduated and got a job and had all my family here and got to see aram and got a check that is WOW and life has been beautiful... now i just dont know what the future will hold but i shal find out!

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back 2 utah

So tawnie and i drove 12 hours on saturday and finally arrived in utah late... we look up to my apt and see the lights on and window open.. im like tawnie what the heck is that (my apt should be empty cuz both my roommates left while i was gone) we open the door and there is crap everywhere and we cant even walk then this girl sits up from the couch and is like ummm and im like ummm and shes like i knew something like this would happen shes like destiny moved me in here temporarily.. anyways i was PISSED but i knew it wasnt her fault and she was nice so i wasnt going to take it out on her... but seriously.. i had no idea someone would be there i didnt want my apt trashed and who knows what she had the possibility to steal and destiny didnt even tell me someone was moving in furthermore she didnt leave us a parking pass so we had to call a bagillion people and try and get one grrrr it was not a good night!! but anyways she moved out today and i should have the apt to myself til aug 31st!!! yay!!! so tawns and i have been having fun doing shopping and looking for jobs. we saw step up....holy cow!! talk about hottness!!! channing tatum is gorgeous and to see that guy dance... um yah thats def a movie to buy we also saw the break up which was ... ok... yah. well hmmm so tomorrow i am going to be getting coyles from the airport and my mom will get here tom. night and my dad thursday night im worried about graduation cuz i dont really know waht to do i did pick up my cap and gowm today... exciting!! i dont have my car here which has been hard just having tawns. ummm oh on sunday we went to tawnies moms friend kims house ... where tawnie is going to stay while i have my family and coyles here anyways she fed us and we watched sahara it was fun. and yah um i think that is about it. i dont know what coyles and i are going to do tomorrow bc tawnie wont be here and we wont have a car.. oh so we went and saw the place we are going to move into... um yah crap hole.. i really wish we had not gotten stuck in this situation and kinda had to live there for lack of time and options.. grrrr but tawnies friend is living there which is good for her.. not good for me cuz well byy chance my apt happens to be close to someone elses which i think is bad cuz that someone doesnt want to talk to me lately which sucks.. oh well we are going to make the best of this i am excited to go shopping and decorate it even though i have no money lol it will be fun!! and coyles is coming tomorrow which is awesome!! yay!

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?

So I did go to Ikea wit Coyles. We both bought some fun things. Let me tell you I cant wait until I own a house and get to decorate the whole things I wish I had millions and could just go and design my house now. I should just go into interior design because I love it so much. But I held off on buying big items becuase I have no idea what my other roommated wil have and I have to try to be accomidating when I get there I don't want to just take charge and do everything my way, even though that would be nice lol! Anyway then we went into charolette russe and were like lets just try stuff on for fun... bad idea! 100 bucks later i really regreted that decision lol. We also went ad ate at Chevys. It was way good except the salsa was so freaking hot, i do not like spicy foods as it is and have a low tolerance level and that stuff wat HOT! lol but that was a fun fun day. Yesterday I went shopping with Kayla and bought a realy cute duvet cover and some frames for the art work i bought. You know Im glad I sent out those grad announcements becuase they are paying for my shopping spree lol! Anyways then we watched the ringer which was vry funnny! Oh mylanta! I was so against that movie for the longest time until i heard it wasnt bad at all and in fact quite funny so i saw it and love it haha. Scrached! You picked it up in clear daylight and you scratched it!! lol Ok so today Coyles and I are going to look at some colleges for her then tomorrow I have to pack cuz I leave saturday morning at 8am!! I am very excited to go back "home". But at the same time I have been here for so long that Utah doesnt feel like "home" anymore. I don't like this back and forth stuff it really messes with my mind. But oh wells its time to start over again

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Apples

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. >Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of >falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the >ground that aren't as good, but easy. The apples at the top think something >is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to >wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb >all the way to the top of the tree. Share this with women who are good >apples, even those who have already been picked. > >Now men . . . Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up >to women to stomp the heck out of them until they turn into something >acceptable to have dinner with.

on another note: Ive been spending WAY too much money!!

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bad morning

This was not a good way to start off the morning to say the least. I am not too happy with a friend right now, well a supposed "friend". I will try to not let it get to me but when someone deliberatley ignores you, that hurts. Especially when you did nothing wrong and haven't even talked to the person in a really long time. I know people get busy but I also know that this person isnt ignoring anyone else except me and its starting to make me so mad! If this friend is mad at me why not just say something, however I dont know how it would even be remotely possible for that to be the case. Whatever it's like I wrote before friends come and go, however I wish this friend was not on the go side. :( I guess all in all its just that my feelings are really hurt right now and this "friend" probably has no idea. I don't know if I should say anything or just keep quiet, oh well.
So now that I have expressed my anger I am going to leave it on this page and make today a great day. Im all smiles. I'm guna go hang out with my best friend and maybe hit up Ikea and buy some stuff for my new apartment!

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Life

I was sitting around watching a slide show of my friends on my myspace and it just hit me, Ive had the most amazing life. Even through the bad times things have been so incredible. The people I have met along the way and the experiences I have had, I would not trade for the world. Even though people change and I lose friends and people I love more come along to bless my life. Everyone who I have met has been a blessing to me and spread a smile across my face. I am so incredibly grateful for my friends and the fun times I have had. Im grateful to be alive and look forward to what life has to offer me in the future.

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Sequoias

So on Thrusday morning we left for the Sequoias. My mom Coyles and I all in the front seat of the suburban and the entire back full of stuff. It took about 5 hours to get there but that included a stop to get groceries. We went with 42 other people from church, haha today there were a lot of people missing from church lol. The trip itself was actually fun. Coyles and I got to sleep on an air mattress which was nice except the first night we had our heads downhill and that with the moving of the matress made me a little motion sick lol. On Friday we hiked well 1/2 way to the waterfall to this kewl place that was rocks and water and kind of natural water slides, cept I did not have my bathing suit...dang nabit, oh wells the water was freezing cold. The walk up there was just beautiful full of greens and flowers and huge trees. I love what Heavenly Father has created for us to look at its just gorgeous. The camping itself was not bad bc there were so many trees that it was not hot at all in the shade. The only bad part was the huge nasty ants! The next day we went to Moro Rock and Crystal Cave, I was beyond excited for the cave. That is one of the things I have always wanted to do, go explore a cave, although I am still waiting to go actually into the remote areas with a small group I may do it next year. There are only 6 people and its 4 hours of spelunking or however you spell that, way fun but you have to get tickets way in advance and its 125 a person but Im doing it. ( There are a few certain things I have always wanted to do swimming with the dolphins which i did in hawaii, go in a cave which i did in the sequoias now whats left is: scuba dive a ship wreck, go to an underwater cave, african safari, touch a baby leopard and some other things) Anways the cave was mind boggling it was 1.2 million years old and just wow!! Ther turned off all the lights and you couldnt even see your hands or the person next to you, udder darkness crazy! The formations in the cave were spectacular, something you have to see for yourself! But yah just amazing I am so glad I was able to see them. The whole trip I was up at like 6am yuck. Why is that whenever you go camping you wake upwith the sun and have to pee. Then you have to get outta your warm sleeping bag and walk to the abthrooms in the cold lol. The first morning Coyles and I got up and walked around which was fun. We played a lot of games and cooked fun foods in the dutch ovens it was a great trip. I was actually cold a lot of the time which is weird bc i usually never ever get cold... yah. I was not very prepared becuase I just had nice clothes which I had brought for the cruise not camping attire lol. We left this morning around 11 and now I'm home yuppers.

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Camping

The jet lag is slowly getting better today I only work up at 5:45 lol. Anyways I was informed yesterday that I was going camping and had no choice lol. So I called up my bestest friend Coyles and said hey were going camping so now we should leave in about an hour if my mom ever gets home from work lol. The bad thing is im still so tired from Europe but I'm getting sick, throat hurts so bad and the ear, probably another sinus infection, I get them about every 3 months and they are no fun.. I should go to the doctor but Im not fond of them and only go for emergencies, hence the reason last months visit was my first time in 10 years. Anyways so we are going to the Sequoias should be a fun experience Im just excited that Coyles is coming because we are going to have a blast! Then we get home on Sunday and that next Friday... Tawnie and I leave for Utah!

Im nervous about Utah because of where we are living. See the day I was leaving for Europe we found out that the Branburry did not open the other building and now we did not have a place to live. Well only 2 other places had spots, so Tawnie and I were on the phone as I was trying to walk out the door trying to decide what to do becuase if we waited two more weeks we would be homeless so basically it ended with me leaving her a blank check and telling her to pick where we live. So I found out where and Im not too excited. At first I thought it would be good cuz of a good location and fun people plus I her and I both know some people who will be living there, but Im not sure if that is a good thing. Somtimes people need their space. Anyways its also more expensive than ones I have lived in and not nearly as nice, and... there are 6 girls... I am NOT looking forward to that at all!! I mean in a 6 person apt the living room and kitchen are like the same size as a 4 person.. but you have to share that space with 2 more people. I have A LOT of stuff and a lot of food lol and don't want to be so cramped! But oh wells the contracts are signed and we have to live there. The second I get there tough I am putting my name on the sell contract list. However I am going to go there with a good attitude and think that the 6 girls is just more people to meet and more of a challenge and learning experience which will be an adventure. Just another phase in my life that I know I can conquer and have fun doing so. Besides theres no point in having a negative attitude when I can just turn it around and make it a positive experience. So yup thats the story.

LAtely in terms of boys I have decided that this quote I heard from my good friend Coyles is sooo dang true ... "Men are like parking spots, all the good ones are taken and all the rest are handicapped"

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Burning our past

I don't know why I get jealous, but the plain and simple fact is that I do. I'm sick of being jealous over something so stupid, and feeling so left out but out of nothing. I don't want to feel sad all the time and keep dweling on this so... it's time to move on and let go. The end.


In other news last night my bestest friend and I had a fire. Not just any old fire but a fire to burn the past. I was cleaning out my room yesterday and found piles of old high school and college work as well as some stuff from an ex so I decided to have a fire. I got on the phone and called up Coyles and told her the news. She collected up all her stuff from the ex's and came over. We went in the back yard and got everything all set up and then lit the flame. We then told stories about our past life and what the things had meant to us as we threw them in the fire and watched them burn. It was really fun. Although about an hour into in my dad came out and was like what the heck is that smell.. man we had been out there so long we didn't realize how bad it had gotten.... Im suprised we did not faint. The problem was that we had no wood just a variety of interesting objects that I won't even mention on here becuase its well funny then kinda things that went into the fire but needless to say the toxic fumes were really bad!! Haha. So we put out our fire then made samores on the stove but nonetheless it was still a really really fun night.

Why is it that people who could have been the absolute best of friends and told eachother everything, were so close, eventually loose that friendship. It is something that has been bothering me lately. I guess cold hard fact is that people change and go in different directions with their lives. There are lots of people I wish I was still friends with, we talk every now and then but its not the same as it use to be. Others I rarely talk to anymore, they are just too busy or we always miss eachother, some moved away and its just too hard to stay in touch and some were just too lazy to do anything about it and let our friendships fall through our fingers. Its kinda sad to think about. And it is so hard to lose friends and amek them. Speaking of friends I heard a quote today that I really liked "Never make an enemy when you can just as easily make a friend". Anyways I better go find something productive to do :)

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