Food

I have been loving finding amazing food sites and blogs lately
for example this cupcake place in santa monica with 180 flavors of cupcakes
http://yummycupcakes.com//Menu.htm

Or this totally awesome site with cake pops!
http://www.bakerella.com/

My recent favorite
http://www.ourbestbites.com/2010/03/mint-brownies.html

because it has pictures! PIctures make cooking so much easier especially when they are step by step pictures!

I l o v e food!

Sarah

One of my bestest friends ever, Sarah Wolf, wow check out that appositive, is coming to visit next week! Crazy. I am so excited she is coming, you see she lives in Chicago, yeah thats pretty dang far away for a best friend. I will tell you it sucks. However the hours on the phone is what keeps our friendship alive all founded on a seriously amazing college foundation. Anyway yeah she's coming to visit and I am so super excited. My friends and few and far between. I am picky. I am not a people person, at all. I would prefer to do nothing and be alone. So when I have a friend. I have a true, long lasting, life friend and Sarah is one of those. Love her. So many memories so much fun and so much more to come.

L.O.V.E.

Jeremy and I have a blog now and I try and post on there. It is easier to type then write in a journal, I just hope this site is around for a long time for history keeping reasons. Ok anyway I need to write here sometimes though to get out my own thoughts of which I have lots haha. The other night I was watching house and there was a conversation between a couple getting divorced and he said " Did you ever really love me?" "Yes, of course I loved you" yada yada fight fight "DID YOU? DID YOU REALLY EVER FEEL ANYTHING FOR ME?" "no" followed by shear realization and tears. Hmmm. What is love? A warm fuzzy feeling? When you care about someone more than yourself? Some say it has to be that overwhelming feeling and you have to be in this romantic movie type love, I have a Bff who thinks that. Others say it is the small whispering of the spirit, I have a friend who thinks that. Some say that it is when you care about someone and put their needs before yours and you just want them to be happy, I have many friends who claim that. I have seen a few marriages in my life where the husband honestly deeply and truely cares about his wife more than any object, feeling, person in the entire universe, seriously. But those are rare and hard to find. So what about the other millions of people out there who don't have it. Some have lust, some have a hope for love, some have a dying love, some have a broken hurt love, and some have no love at all, just a mirage. But how do those with the mirage keep living? What if you realize it is a mirage and don't know what to do? Do you keep living in this fake hope? Do you pop the bubble and face reality? And what is reality... divorce? Forcing yourself to live a fake life? Trying until maybe you make it? Hoping that maybe you can really fall in love, wishing for the past, wishing you could just change it without hurting anyone? Man the mirage love sucks. Too bad the romantic movie crazy love doesn't exist for most and so sad that everyone cannot experience the true I would die for you and do anything and everything necessary to make you happy because I care about you more than myself -love.
Love its what we all crave
its what we all need
its what we all want

SCUBA

I'm FINALLY SCUBA certified!

Bring on the diving!

EW

The dog spells like poop.
It's stuck to its butt.
I don't want to clean it off.
Yet, the smell is making me want to vomit.
Solution= hope dad gets home real soon.

uh!

FRUSTRATED!

The tower of blocks.

We go through life learning about how to do things, what is right and wrong, typical school knowledge, religion, eventually we blink and wow we are grown adults. Here to make our own decisions. Here to think about things on our own. We have to decide between right and wrong and good and evil. Then once we have a handle on who we are we have to then go on the quest to find some mystery person in a beach full of single grains of sand, and we have to sift through and find the one that we think we are compatible with. What is compatible anyway? We need to love them and have the same morals and values. We need to have the same opinions about a lot, we need to have the same ideas and be willing to work together to make this work. Then we decide to commit to one another whole heartidly with everything we posses we say we will love and honor that person forever. That word alone scared me I mean think about it : FOREVER. That means there is no hiding no running away. You may try and hide under a rock for a couple decades but there are endless decades. Forever... scary. So you find this person who you think you can be with FOREVER ( I hear like this booming voice of doom every time I say that word and then an evil high pitched squeal) and then you are supposed to start a family and then start teaching your children about morals and values and teaching them everything so the process can start over again.

So what happens when a boy finds this girl he wants, forever, but she is not sure. I mean their values and morals are different, they are in completely different places in life, but yet there is something there that keeps the girl. It probably is his deep intense love for her. Now I am not talking the high school " I love you" or the hey baby you are hot " I love you" now can we have sex? No I am talking the I love you that occurs at the end of the most breath taking fairy tale you have ever read. The I love you that comes from so deep within the soul that is is almost frightening. The I love you that really means you complete me, I need you, You are apart of my soul. The I love you that penetrates through anything. So you get this boy who really truely in all sense of the meaning is that in love with the girl. The girl of course is just in awe that any other human being could truely actually feel that intense amount of love for another human being and we all love to be loved right? Well does she compromise her values, does she lower her standards just because she likes the feeling of being loved? Can she possible love this boy as much as he loves her with all of these weights hanging off of them? Is it possible to work together and change? Well maybe, if the love is that strong and they are devoted to making it work, miracles can happen.


Well what happens when that boy who loves, and remember we are talking that love that is so intense its kinda scary, what happens when that boy completely ruins it all. You are building this tower of blocks with your lives. You know its a pretty tall tower. Now everyonce and awhile a block near the top falls off, sometimes a few blocks go with it. Ok that is manageable we can be upset that we worked so hard but we can go back to building and balancing and holding it together. But... what happens when that boy comes by and pulls out the bottom block, the foundation. COmpletely rips it out.... everything that was on top falls. Scattered. "oh no!" he yells I'm sorry! ... as if that is the magical cure that will have you leap into his arms and say oh it is ok. DOnt worry that you just destroyed the foundation to our tower dont worry that all our blocks are scattered near and far dont worry that it took us so much grief and pain to build this. Its ok sweety.
Sorry but I sure as hell aint that happy little fairy tale princess who runs back to prince charming and wraps her arms around him and says "its ok"
Im the big Dragon Slayer Princess that kills the prince and marries the brother. Ok maybe not to that extent but are you kiddding me all Im thinking is where is the King and why did I waster time with this Prince? haha

but on a more serious note. What do you do? Where do you start over? And even more seriously... how do you find the foundation amongst the rubble? And the vital question is.... how do you find that foundation and sort through the blocks when the boy has no idea what he did was wrong an why it was. He just thinks he knocked over a block on the top and can stack it back on and keep going he does not know he took out the foundation the core that held everything together. How do you get the boy to realize it? How do you even begin....

The Gym

I was at the gym working out in an actual class, which not suprisingly is my New Years Resolution like half of the planet. Anyway I was sitting there kicking and jumping and doing all these things to help me "get in shape" when I realized how silly it all is. Why am I in a little box with mirrors on all sides with 50 people crammed into this room jumping around with a little woman at the front yelling into a microphone? What are we all doing. We pay $30 plus dollars a month to go to this box with equiptment and strangers to work out swaet and get all nasty with a bunch of other people payin $30 a month, when in fact we have the entire world at our finger tips. Why are we all lined up in rows on treadmills running to what... the bar in front of us the little screen that is telling up how many miles we have ran.... when we could be out running around the lake, on paths, by the beach, in the forest, on trails, even down our street looking at things, appreciating lifes beauty and acutally running to something. Why are we rowing on this little machine where we go up back up back to only stare at the water fountain. WHy are we not out on the lake rowing and looking at lifes beauty. Why aren't we out exercising in the world for free?! What is it about this little box and sweaty people that drives us to be motivated. WHy do we think we cant get in shape without the gym? Why is it that we flock to this place and pay money so that we can be stuck in this sweat box. Weird huh?

life has been... crazy!

First, i have a new boyfriend... Jeremy
He is wonderful.
We have spent the last month and a half seeing each other all day and all night and keeping eachother way busy. Beaches, movies, dances, dodger games, bowling, mall, in n out, rockband, hot tubs, concert in the park, ikea, acton, we have pretty much been going non stop. However, we have only been officially dating for a week lol
It all started on my Birthday long ago... and then after him continually trying to take me on a date and me persistantly saying no, I finally gave in.
We went out to the aqueduct in Palmdale and we went for a walk to over look the city, which was really fun but it was sooooo windy. Then we came back and we were dancing under the stars as he sang to me for the first time, then asked me to be his girlfriend, yah it was cute!
So in that regards life has been peachy.

In all other regards life has been horrid, like cabbage, yuck.
There was a period of about 3 weeks where every single friend I thought I had turned on me, and big time. I mean full out yelling brawls, cat fights, gossip, rumors, drama up the wazoo. More that all of my life combined, it was flat out ridiculous and ruined a lot of really close friendships I had which flat out stinks! For the most part we have been able to work things out with everyone, thank goodness becuase I was about to pack up and move to the middle of BFE bc I'm sure it was better than life here at the time.

I got a job!! In this horrid job market, especially for teachers, I was lucky enough to secure a job for the next year. I went into the interview at 8:30 am and at 12pm I had a job. Second interview I had been on.. yah talk about lucky. I am going to be teaching 5th grade at Newhall Elementary School. I am way scared but SOOOO excited. Yesterday I got to go and see my classroom and it really hit me.. I am going to be responsible for 35 10 -11 year olds!!! I am their teacher... the the classroom all day everyday by myself!! Responsible for all of them and getting them to pass state tests, as well as learn a heck of a lot of curriculum. My good friend Val from the ACT program is also teaching 5th grade which is quite the relief. I am glad to know I will have somone to turn to during the Hell I know next year is going to be.

WOW! People are dumb!

If you are a close friend then you have heard about the events that went down this weekend. And most of you like me are in total shock and the stupidity of some people, the distrust, the lies, and the disrespect people can have.
I have learned that you better be careful who you trust. Even if you think you are in love and can trust that person more than anyone, the whole thing may be lies.
They may kick you to the curb turn around and smack talk you and tell someone your personal business with no regard. The best part is when they tell a complete stranger everything about you and themselves. It is great when you the girlfriend, someone who you should be able to confide in and should know the other person insdie and out, well it is great when that someone tells the complete stranger things they never told you. It is great when they tell that stranger your life story and talk down about you.
It is great when they take that stranger to places you had been and that had meaning for the both of you.
It is just great isn't it?

I'm still in shock. Can't believe everything that happen and all that I learned. It quite honestly is sickening how much you think you know about a person to find out you did not know them at all.
I am so glad things ended early before I got cheated on.

That's a new topic. How can you ask someone out if you know they have a boyfriend?? That shows right there you are willing to cheat on somone. How can people be that horrible. That is the ultimate betrayl in my opinion and nothing can make up or fix that.
Guys are ridiculous. And why is it that they go for the girls who just want some.
Yet those of us who are in my friends words "marriage material" always get kicked to the curb.
Those girls who have the looks, the brains, the common sense, who dont give it up easily-- get nothing. But the stupid, happy go lucky, no common sense, just in it to get some.... yah get all the guys. I guess then we know those are guys we never want. But a few years down the road those guys com looking for the marriage material girls... um helllo. Ridiculous if you ask me.

So yah I learned what it is like to be betrayed by an ex, a friend, and that is really sucks. I also learned that some people as rude as it sounds really are just stupid. In all sense of the word. They are dumb, no common sense, just dumb. Then again I guess they have the quote ignorance is bliss. So they go on living in their happy world not knowing the pain they cause other people or all the things they are doign wrong.

I wish it was easier to love and trust one another.