So leaving Cali was a huge upset for me and I finally realized why. I never thought I would really "miss" my family. This is my third year up here in Provo and I have never been homesick. Usually I love going back to cali to see my family, coyles, and of course my dogs lol but when the time comes to go home I'm a bit sad but ready to get back to things. It's like havin two lives... which in itself is weird! Ok so this year I really didn't want to come back not at thanksgiving and not now. I realize now that is really is true.. i miss my family. I think the thing that has changed is simple: my family. Growing up the house was full of hatred, screaming, fights every day, yelling, emotional issues, everyone pretty much hated eachother and put us all together and things got worse.. basically I lived on the verge that my parents would be separated at any day.. our house was built on eggs and do many had cracked there was barely anything holding it up. As the years went past my parents tried everything to hold the family together, basically only staying together because of my sister and I. Well after counseling failed, and those men are from mars women from venus videos, and everything else they seeked, things were still bad. However... things have finally changed. My parents constant efforts and endulging themselves more in church has really paid off. I remember 2 years ago when i went home I saw my parents sitting on the couch together.... and my dad had his arm around my mom.... I have never ever seen anything like this before and was a little taken back. In new York they actually walked down the streets holding hands and in Europe there was only one explosion... thank goodness! Parents can be irrational and embarassing in public.. anyways they actually.. dare I say it.. love eachother now?! Yah. So I like being home.. there isnt as much arguing I dont have to sit in the closet and cry or get in the car and just get out of there ... I can be home and truely love being home. I like being around my parents and my sister. My sister has come a long long long way. We use to hate eachother with a passion and I was pretty much for lack of other words a complete and total bi*ch to her. About 3 years ago we started to get along and last year we became so close and my love for her has grown a hundred fold. We can hang out and talk about things and it is just awesome. She too has come out of a really really hard time of her life and although she is still facing so many challenges with my parents they even get along. Anyway life is so much better and I have never had a chance to live with this "new" family. Which is a huge part of why I really want to go home next year and do school in Cali.. although I don't know if its just a facade. But whatever it is, I like it. Just goes to show people can really change if they want to.
Anyways enough about the family mumbo jumbo. Its snowing outside and I am not a fan!! Life was going so well here in Provo.. I have no roommates this week except tawnie and the one who hates everyone has moved out. Furthermore there is nobody in this complex so there is sooooo much parking!! It is so nice to beable to go to the gym and come home and not worry about where i am going to park.. we can leave and come as we please and know our spot will be there... sounds trivial and stupid but it's amazing the kind of things that can make you smile. For the only time I have acutally enjoyed living in this ghetto hole in the ground complex. I still wish so much that I could somehow move out but we are making the best of things. Speaking of making one smile.. I got a magic bullet for christmas ... lol.. it is the most amazing blended on the earth lol it is so awesome and Tawnie and I are having so much fun concocting things in that blender of ours.
Christmas was wonderful. Going to my grandmas was amazing.. something I look forward to every year. I love my family and seing all of them at Grandmas is so much fun. Especially eating grandmas food and just laughing for hours. Christmas morning is pretty much a laugh fest at our house with my dad always saying.. what is it velvet? Who knows where that came from but he has been saying it every year for as long as I can remember. Anyway this christmas was good.. my family and I decided to keep things simple and instead of overloading on presents for ourselves we decided that we would get credit gift cards with money on them and all year long we would buy christmas presents for the Sheriffs Childrens donation thing and then donate them all next year. So it will be like remembering others and what Christmas is all about. all year long. I love my mom for it. her and my sister and really have the kindest of hearts and are so willing to give.
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