No more teaching

So I complain and complain that I have no time.
Well my kids graduate and I finish student teaching, now I have time, but way too much of it!!
Do you know how boring it is to be home all day every day, yes to those of you who are busy busy busy this may seem nice, it did to me at frist but now I am going crazy, and mind you it has only been 3 days. You know it is getting bad when you think cleaning the bathroom sounds like fun. My mother is sure glad I am done, the house has been cleaned from top to bottom and lunch is made everyday, sure she benefits but I am going loco!
In these great economic days we are having I really hope that I find a job soon, I have three college degrees there is now way I am going to end up working at Jersey Mikes. That may sound snobbish-- yah it is, but I am way too smart for that. Great for those of you who need to get out and make money, I commend you but I need a real job and I need one quick!
On a happy note I have a sub orientation fro Saugus, sub interview for Newhall and teacher interview for Newhall... hoooray lets hope something positive comes out of these interviews!

Yesterday I had a thought.... do I really want to stay in Santa Clarita forever?? Yes I have lived in Utah for three years and Ecuador but do I really want to end up here?
I started to think of all the things I can still do, Hey I'm only 21!
Why not go teach in China or Mexico? Why not go to Harvard, just to say I did so.. my mom thinks its a great idea.... haha she just likes the fact that there is a 1% chance I could go there, meet the perfect someone who is smart and going to make some money!
Why not go back to Ecuador? Back to BYU? Something, anything, do I really need to stay here?
Yah it is comfortable, yah it is what I know, but should I let fear stand in the way?
I dunno!! I want to teach I really do but once I start I am in it for the long haul, well at least 2 years... ooooo how much I hate the state of California.. what is this you have to do two more years of dang induction once you finish your credential.. just so you can keep it...dumb dumb dumb. THat is influencing everything right now because I need to start teaching so I can get those two years done.

Another thing why are we so pressured to get married!! I find myself at singles ward thinking... what if I don;t get married? What if I can't find a guy who is not going to COC and has no idea what he wants to do with his life? Ahhh I mean if I start dating someone now and date him for a year then I will be 23, thats not too old but what if I dont start dating someone now....??
Then reality kicks in and I say, "Jessica SHUT UP!"
Freak!! You are only 21, a baby, young, not old, 21 21 21 you do not have to be married! YOu DO NOT live in Utah, you are not obligated to have 2 kids by now and be pregnant with the third, you do not have to marry a guy who has been off his mission for 3 days, you do not have to marry the first guy who comes along, hell you don't have to get married for a long long time!!
geeze... can the singles ward just leave us all alone! :)

On a happy note I decided to have a party. If people won't talk to Erica and I then we are going to make them! If the ward won't have any activities that foster getting to know eachother then we will! (Going to a dance once a month where the music is blaring and you can't even hear yourself think and everyone stands agianst the walls.. that is not really the ideal way to meet that special someone, or anyone for that matter) Anyway so yes Erica and I are having a party and it is going to be really fun!! Now the only question is, are people going to show up?? Man I sure hope so or we are going to look really stupid! But hey we will still have fun, Me, Erica and Miqui and Jessica- who we are forcing to be there! Haha I will have to let you know how this party goes, and for the love I am going to find Erica a man! Now Erica you really need a blog beacause you don't even know I am writing this. Oh! This one time in Utah a bunch of friends got together and bought a bilboard-- they put their friends picture on it and a website then people went to the website and filled out date applications and the guys had dates, a lot of them. Maybe that is the way to go! :)

Alrighty I guess I should go find something to do, just please I hope I find something better than cleaning the bathroom for the third time today.

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Prayers

Man oh man have I learned about prayers this last week.
So two weeks ago Sunday I decided I needed to pray about me and Joshua. I had been struggling all week with bad feelings about our relationship but I really felt that I loved him and could make things work. Maybe it was just a phase?
I prayed, God said no.
God are you sure? God said no again.
God, maybe I am just interpreting these answers wrong, are you saying no? Or can I make this work? Bad feelings still.
God if you want Josh and I to break up he is either going to have to do something so terrible that it makes it easy for me to dump him or you are going to have to have him break up with me. Saturday he broke up with me.
Fastest and clearest answer to a prayer I have ever had.
I felt like Martin Harris and the plates, I am just glad that God did not say oh yah go ahead keep dating him and see what happens.
Even though I got such a clear answer it has still been hard. Yah yah yah we weren't together that long but I fell too fast for that kid, bad move.
And truthfully I think what is bugging me is that I waited until he broke up with me, I shoulda done it while I had the ball in my court.
Only thing my mom said was does Josh sing or play the guitar? No. Well then he just wasn't for you. Lol she knows me a little too well.
Anywho, so I learned more about interpreting prayers and that you may not always get what you want, what you think you need, what sounds right to you because guess what that may not be what the Lord has in store.

I have been struggling with singles ward lately. Erica and I go but whenever we go to activities all the other girls from our ward form circle and clicks and then we get the evil eye. Erica even ventured to talk to two girls on Sunday. The first is moving and the second got up and left right after we talked to her. Strike out.
When I was dating Joshua I got nothing but dirty looks from the girls, why are girls so mean!?
My mom says our problem is that we are competition.
I say damn straight we are two hot mamas! lol
Anyway we got to listen to another talk on Sunday about marriage and dating and how it is the most important thing we can do, imagine that a talk in singles ward about marriage.. that's a new one.

I am done with student teaching this week! I am excited because it will give me more time to focus on school but it will be sad to leave.
I love teaching so much! I get so excited when I think of perfect lessons for my kids or how much they are going to love an acivity we are doing.
Last week I did a unit on a story called Buffalo Hunt. I, excuse me, my parents builed a full size replica of an Indian Tipi (boy do I have a great appreciation for those Indian women, that was hard work)
Well I was able to teach my students in small groups outside in the tipi around the fire as we sat on buffalo rugs! It was sooo much fun! Then my students were able to illustrate their expository paragraphs on the tipi walls using Indian symbols. So much fun.

I am tired. Goodnight.

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