I was at the gym working out in an actual class, which not suprisingly is my New Years Resolution like half of the planet. Anyway I was sitting there kicking and jumping and doing all these things to help me "get in shape" when I realized how silly it all is. Why am I in a little box with mirrors on all sides with 50 people crammed into this room jumping around with a little woman at the front yelling into a microphone? What are we all doing. We pay $30 plus dollars a month to go to this box with equiptment and strangers to work out swaet and get all nasty with a bunch of other people payin $30 a month, when in fact we have the entire world at our finger tips. Why are we all lined up in rows on treadmills running to what... the bar in front of us the little screen that is telling up how many miles we have ran.... when we could be out running around the lake, on paths, by the beach, in the forest, on trails, even down our street looking at things, appreciating lifes beauty and acutally running to something. Why are we rowing on this little machine where we go up back up back to only stare at the water fountain. WHy are we not out on the lake rowing and looking at lifes beauty. Why aren't we out exercising in the world for free?! What is it about this little box and sweaty people that drives us to be motivated. WHy do we think we cant get in shape without the gym? Why is it that we flock to this place and pay money so that we can be stuck in this sweat box. Weird huh?
read more "The Gym"
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Friday, July 18, 2008
life has been... crazy!
First, i have a new boyfriend... Jeremy
He is wonderful.
We have spent the last month and a half seeing each other all day and all night and keeping eachother way busy. Beaches, movies, dances, dodger games, bowling, mall, in n out, rockband, hot tubs, concert in the park, ikea, acton, we have pretty much been going non stop. However, we have only been officially dating for a week lol
It all started on my Birthday long ago... and then after him continually trying to take me on a date and me persistantly saying no, I finally gave in.
We went out to the aqueduct in Palmdale and we went for a walk to over look the city, which was really fun but it was sooooo windy. Then we came back and we were dancing under the stars as he sang to me for the first time, then asked me to be his girlfriend, yah it was cute!
So in that regards life has been peachy.
In all other regards life has been horrid, like cabbage, yuck.
There was a period of about 3 weeks where every single friend I thought I had turned on me, and big time. I mean full out yelling brawls, cat fights, gossip, rumors, drama up the wazoo. More that all of my life combined, it was flat out ridiculous and ruined a lot of really close friendships I had which flat out stinks! For the most part we have been able to work things out with everyone, thank goodness becuase I was about to pack up and move to the middle of BFE bc I'm sure it was better than life here at the time.
I got a job!! In this horrid job market, especially for teachers, I was lucky enough to secure a job for the next year. I went into the interview at 8:30 am and at 12pm I had a job. Second interview I had been on.. yah talk about lucky. I am going to be teaching 5th grade at Newhall Elementary School. I am way scared but SOOOO excited. Yesterday I got to go and see my classroom and it really hit me.. I am going to be responsible for 35 10 -11 year olds!!! I am their teacher... the the classroom all day everyday by myself!! Responsible for all of them and getting them to pass state tests, as well as learn a heck of a lot of curriculum. My good friend Val from the ACT program is also teaching 5th grade which is quite the relief. I am glad to know I will have somone to turn to during the Hell I know next year is going to be.
read more "life has been... crazy!"
He is wonderful.
We have spent the last month and a half seeing each other all day and all night and keeping eachother way busy. Beaches, movies, dances, dodger games, bowling, mall, in n out, rockband, hot tubs, concert in the park, ikea, acton, we have pretty much been going non stop. However, we have only been officially dating for a week lol
It all started on my Birthday long ago... and then after him continually trying to take me on a date and me persistantly saying no, I finally gave in.
We went out to the aqueduct in Palmdale and we went for a walk to over look the city, which was really fun but it was sooooo windy. Then we came back and we were dancing under the stars as he sang to me for the first time, then asked me to be his girlfriend, yah it was cute!
So in that regards life has been peachy.
In all other regards life has been horrid, like cabbage, yuck.
There was a period of about 3 weeks where every single friend I thought I had turned on me, and big time. I mean full out yelling brawls, cat fights, gossip, rumors, drama up the wazoo. More that all of my life combined, it was flat out ridiculous and ruined a lot of really close friendships I had which flat out stinks! For the most part we have been able to work things out with everyone, thank goodness becuase I was about to pack up and move to the middle of BFE bc I'm sure it was better than life here at the time.
I got a job!! In this horrid job market, especially for teachers, I was lucky enough to secure a job for the next year. I went into the interview at 8:30 am and at 12pm I had a job. Second interview I had been on.. yah talk about lucky. I am going to be teaching 5th grade at Newhall Elementary School. I am way scared but SOOOO excited. Yesterday I got to go and see my classroom and it really hit me.. I am going to be responsible for 35 10 -11 year olds!!! I am their teacher... the the classroom all day everyday by myself!! Responsible for all of them and getting them to pass state tests, as well as learn a heck of a lot of curriculum. My good friend Val from the ACT program is also teaching 5th grade which is quite the relief. I am glad to know I will have somone to turn to during the Hell I know next year is going to be.
Friday, May 16, 2008
A little bit of everything
I graduated college!!... for the third time. HAHAH I am so excited!! I am officially done wit the 9 months of agonizing Hell called the ACT program. It has been so difficult and stressful but I am done! I never thought it would end but to be at this point, to be an official teacher is wonderful!! I can't believe it has been 2 years since I graduated from BYU, that blows my mind!
So I have been getting very clear answers to prayers lately left and right. It has been amazing.
First with the whole Joshua thing. Having God say no, no, no, so clearly was heart breaking but I guess in the long run necessary. It has still been hard but I am finally ready to move on, mostly because of the prayers I utter every single night before I go to bed. I am excited to see what God has in store for me!
Next, Erica and I, as I've said before have a really hard time with singles ward and feeling secluded. Well not anymore! We met two of the most amazing girls. Brynn and Vanessa are the sweetest girls ever! Since the party we have been able to hang out a few times. Erica and I had a graduation pizookie party at BJ's and we even stayed at FHE until 9:30, something that never in the history of us has happen. Tonight we are going to a dance with them and it is going to be so much fun. I have never been so excited to go to a singles ward dance. Usually the first thing I think is ewwww. We also met a few other people who have been the sweetest ever. This truely is an answer to our prayers because I prayed and prayed that we would finally make friends! Anyway I have been sooooo happy lately! My attitude has def changed which has helped a lot too.
China- wow. How do you even describe the pain, heartache, and grief those people are experiencing. I wish I could get on a plane right now, fly over there and help where I could. It makes me sick to think that we are here going on about our lives thinking about our "trials" why their lives are literally falling apart in every way, shape, and form. I am so thankful to be blessed as much as I am, and I know I have no right to complain about anything!! I feel so selfish for falling into my little pitty party about a "broken heart" or dead aunt. Those are nothing compared to what others are experiencing. If there is one thing that living and volunteering in Ecuador taught me-- it is how truely blessed we all are. Gosh I love AMERICA!! I can't stand people who bash it, I'm like why don't you go pack your two 50 pound suitcases and live in a third world country for a few months, that'll change your mind.
Speaking of which I miss my kids more than anything in this world. I am really considering going back as a site leader for 6 months. I look at their pictures every day and think about how they are down there with no parents, and no family. It makes me sick to my stomach. I am adopting. I can't wait to get married so that I can adopt. There are two girls down there that I would snatch up in a second. I learned so much from living there and being with those children, I need to go back. It is not an option, sometime... in time...
Hmmm, well I think it is time to go get busy!
read more "A little bit of everything"
So I have been getting very clear answers to prayers lately left and right. It has been amazing.
First with the whole Joshua thing. Having God say no, no, no, so clearly was heart breaking but I guess in the long run necessary. It has still been hard but I am finally ready to move on, mostly because of the prayers I utter every single night before I go to bed. I am excited to see what God has in store for me!
Next, Erica and I, as I've said before have a really hard time with singles ward and feeling secluded. Well not anymore! We met two of the most amazing girls. Brynn and Vanessa are the sweetest girls ever! Since the party we have been able to hang out a few times. Erica and I had a graduation pizookie party at BJ's and we even stayed at FHE until 9:30, something that never in the history of us has happen. Tonight we are going to a dance with them and it is going to be so much fun. I have never been so excited to go to a singles ward dance. Usually the first thing I think is ewwww. We also met a few other people who have been the sweetest ever. This truely is an answer to our prayers because I prayed and prayed that we would finally make friends! Anyway I have been sooooo happy lately! My attitude has def changed which has helped a lot too.
China- wow. How do you even describe the pain, heartache, and grief those people are experiencing. I wish I could get on a plane right now, fly over there and help where I could. It makes me sick to think that we are here going on about our lives thinking about our "trials" why their lives are literally falling apart in every way, shape, and form. I am so thankful to be blessed as much as I am, and I know I have no right to complain about anything!! I feel so selfish for falling into my little pitty party about a "broken heart" or dead aunt. Those are nothing compared to what others are experiencing. If there is one thing that living and volunteering in Ecuador taught me-- it is how truely blessed we all are. Gosh I love AMERICA!! I can't stand people who bash it, I'm like why don't you go pack your two 50 pound suitcases and live in a third world country for a few months, that'll change your mind.
Speaking of which I miss my kids more than anything in this world. I am really considering going back as a site leader for 6 months. I look at their pictures every day and think about how they are down there with no parents, and no family. It makes me sick to my stomach. I am adopting. I can't wait to get married so that I can adopt. There are two girls down there that I would snatch up in a second. I learned so much from living there and being with those children, I need to go back. It is not an option, sometime... in time...
Hmmm, well I think it is time to go get busy!
Saturday, May 10, 2008
In memory of Aunt Julie
First facebook note:
Yesterday in the middle of church I, actually Erica, got a text message that said my Aunt had died. Wow, talk about something you are not prepared for! I of course broke down, which was hard for me, because I don't cry in front of people, ever.Erica rushed me out of Sunday School and immediately went to action to help, she is amazing. Jody, a lady I use to baby sit for and one of the most amazing women I have ever met showed up just then to drive me to my aunts and tell me what was going on. Apparently she was there when my mom found out during her church and then rushed to Erica's to try and get phone numbers to text erica because no one could get ahold of me. Anyway Jody took me to my aunts.She also brought dinner over later and checked in on me countless times, and was there, she was there ready to listen to help, she dropped everything in her life and was there. She had plans that day but none of that mattered because we were in need.On the way she told me that my cousin Josh who has Down's Syndrome was home with my aunt and called 911 when she collapsed on the front porch. The paramedics came but couldn't bring her back. Apparently the night before she had taken some allergy medication and had an allergic reaction, her throat swelled and she couldn't breath, we are still waiting on the report of official death. So my cousins Amanda, who is 14 and Travis who is 21 came home to find their mother dead on the front porch, the coroner didn't come until 5 that night, she died around noon. So I arrive and the body is on the porch, cops are around the house, the nosy neighbors are everywhere and everyone else is sobbing. I walk into the house fairly composed ( I deal with grief by trying to fix everything and immediatley go to fix it mode and skip over the sad process because I don't deal with things well)But I walk in and my couins Josh who has Down's is sitting on the floor and he looks and me and says "momma died" and Amanda is sitting in a chair sobbing saying Sunday is Mother's Day and she wont be here. Yah I lost it. I knew I couldn't stay there, so I figured I would go get the car that got left at the church. So I called what I considered to be a very close friend in hysterics because I just didn't know how to handle any of this.It was hard talking to him because I was crying so much. Anyway that person was busy so I called Erica, females are always more receptive and have that intuition and know what to do, she was over there in an instant and took me to the church and talked with me. She is wonderful. So I went back and stayed for awhile until we all went home.When I got home my parents were down stairs and my sister had stayed with my older cousin. I have never had anyone close to me die so I didn't know how to deal with any of this. I needed someone to talk to but I have a really hard time reaching out to people and there are very few people I feel like I can talk to openly. Well, that didn't go over well and I ended up getting more hurt. So I eventually cried so much that I fell asleep, thank goodness. So today I went over there and my sister and I worked on cleaning out my Aunt's room. Talk about hard. There were pictures of her and the kids everywhere. I found a card in the bottom of a drawer with my name on it. It was a graduation card that was for my 8th grade graduation, 7 years ago! It said how much she loved me and how proud of me she was, the ironic thing is I am graduating from CSUN this week. Talk about life's little miracles. I can't even imagine what it is like to lose your mother. Amanda is only 14 years old, she is going to high school next year, going through those times of your life when you really need a mother, and now her mom is gone. She has to move in with her dad to a new town, all new friends, all events she had planned with her mommy are gone, her mom is gone. It makes me sick to the point of throwing up to think about. And mothers day is sunday.Travis who is 21 is being treated as head of the household, not only does he have to lose his mother but he now has to make funeral arrangements, burial arrangements, deal with all the finances, the house, the cars, everything! He just lost his mom!Josh is 19 and has Down's Syndrome, he is a momma's boy and loves his mom more than anything and now has to move in with his dad. Thank goodness he can't process everything fully because having to call 911 and watch your mom die, undescribable. I am grateful to my friends who dropped everything and were there for me without question. I am grateful for the phone calls and the love I have recieved. I am grateful for Coyles who called and was there and would have done anything at my request and for the emails and phone calls from every one else.When I think about my cousins and what they are going through I just break down. I hope that we all realize how important everyone is in our lives. Live each day without regrets, don't put things off until tomorrow beacuse there may not be a tomorrow. Make friends with your enemies, be a good friend, accomplish your dreams, love with all your heart, and live today, be grateful to those people you have in your life and tell them how much you love them. There is so much I would have liked to tell my aunt, I wish I had spent more time with her, I wish I had been around more, I wish I had told her how much I love her and how grateful I am to her for being a second mom when I was younger and raising me. I realize today how important it is to have your life in order and be prepared, because you never know what day will be your last.I am also grateful for our gospel because I know I will see my aunt again and be able to go and hug her and tell her I love her. My cousins aren't memebers and don't have the same beliefs, can you imagine if we could never see those we love again? What a sad thing that would be.
Second note:
Since the death of my Aunt I haven't really had time or the desire to let it process. I cried on Sunday when I found out and then lost it Monday night because all those emotions were mixed with pains of a relationship. But for the rest of the week I pretended like it didn't happen.Today I had to face that reality. I spent the last couple days creating a slideshow to show at the memorial service today and it was a really emotional time. Seeing my Aunt and remembering all the Christmas's, Birthday's, party's and everything we have done together was really emotional. She was an amazing lady who is leaving behind three wonderful children.I am so grateful for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, even though it is such a long name :) haha.I realize how true our gospel is and how amazing the support system is. Within minutes of finding out about the death the ladies of the Relief Society went to work. We had dinner brought to our house the night she died. We had people at our house helping with funeral arrangements. And last night until the wee hours of the morning and ALL day today from 9am until 6pm, just now we had women over here working like crazy. The brought all the food, set up the yard, went shopping, and ran the luncheon. The love I feel for them is undescribable. One of the ladies I use to babysit for, for years and she is such an example to me. The other is my friend of 13 years Tawnie's mother who was here for 8 hours today. The women in the church are such a blessing. I feel so blessed to be in a church where you know you have immediate friends who love and care about you.I also love knowing that I will see my Aunt again.The actual funeral was hard. My mother gave the eulogy. Then Julie's children, my cousins, Amanda and Josh both spoke. That was hard. Listening to Amanda talk about how she not only lost her mother but her best friend and hearing my 19 year old cousin who has Down's Syndrome stand before us bawling and say how much he loves him mom and missed her--- yah I finally lost it. Knowing my cousins no longer have their mom in this earth life is really hard. She wont be there to see them get married and have children and all of those very important times.Once agian I hope we realize how important people are in our lives and that we shouldn't hold grudges, life is just too short.I am also grateful to all of those who stayed and cleaned up everything and were sooooo helpful!! I am grateful for Beth who just talked to me for like an hour, something I really needed! Thank you to all of my friends who offered to be here today at the memorial to just sit with me, that really means a lot. Knowing that I have such wonderful amazing people in my life is such a great feeling. I love all the people in my life and am so grateful for all of you!
read more "In memory of Aunt Julie"
Yesterday in the middle of church I, actually Erica, got a text message that said my Aunt had died. Wow, talk about something you are not prepared for! I of course broke down, which was hard for me, because I don't cry in front of people, ever.Erica rushed me out of Sunday School and immediately went to action to help, she is amazing. Jody, a lady I use to baby sit for and one of the most amazing women I have ever met showed up just then to drive me to my aunts and tell me what was going on. Apparently she was there when my mom found out during her church and then rushed to Erica's to try and get phone numbers to text erica because no one could get ahold of me. Anyway Jody took me to my aunts.She also brought dinner over later and checked in on me countless times, and was there, she was there ready to listen to help, she dropped everything in her life and was there. She had plans that day but none of that mattered because we were in need.On the way she told me that my cousin Josh who has Down's Syndrome was home with my aunt and called 911 when she collapsed on the front porch. The paramedics came but couldn't bring her back. Apparently the night before she had taken some allergy medication and had an allergic reaction, her throat swelled and she couldn't breath, we are still waiting on the report of official death. So my cousins Amanda, who is 14 and Travis who is 21 came home to find their mother dead on the front porch, the coroner didn't come until 5 that night, she died around noon. So I arrive and the body is on the porch, cops are around the house, the nosy neighbors are everywhere and everyone else is sobbing. I walk into the house fairly composed ( I deal with grief by trying to fix everything and immediatley go to fix it mode and skip over the sad process because I don't deal with things well)But I walk in and my couins Josh who has Down's is sitting on the floor and he looks and me and says "momma died" and Amanda is sitting in a chair sobbing saying Sunday is Mother's Day and she wont be here. Yah I lost it. I knew I couldn't stay there, so I figured I would go get the car that got left at the church. So I called what I considered to be a very close friend in hysterics because I just didn't know how to handle any of this.It was hard talking to him because I was crying so much. Anyway that person was busy so I called Erica, females are always more receptive and have that intuition and know what to do, she was over there in an instant and took me to the church and talked with me. She is wonderful. So I went back and stayed for awhile until we all went home.When I got home my parents were down stairs and my sister had stayed with my older cousin. I have never had anyone close to me die so I didn't know how to deal with any of this. I needed someone to talk to but I have a really hard time reaching out to people and there are very few people I feel like I can talk to openly. Well, that didn't go over well and I ended up getting more hurt. So I eventually cried so much that I fell asleep, thank goodness. So today I went over there and my sister and I worked on cleaning out my Aunt's room. Talk about hard. There were pictures of her and the kids everywhere. I found a card in the bottom of a drawer with my name on it. It was a graduation card that was for my 8th grade graduation, 7 years ago! It said how much she loved me and how proud of me she was, the ironic thing is I am graduating from CSUN this week. Talk about life's little miracles. I can't even imagine what it is like to lose your mother. Amanda is only 14 years old, she is going to high school next year, going through those times of your life when you really need a mother, and now her mom is gone. She has to move in with her dad to a new town, all new friends, all events she had planned with her mommy are gone, her mom is gone. It makes me sick to the point of throwing up to think about. And mothers day is sunday.Travis who is 21 is being treated as head of the household, not only does he have to lose his mother but he now has to make funeral arrangements, burial arrangements, deal with all the finances, the house, the cars, everything! He just lost his mom!Josh is 19 and has Down's Syndrome, he is a momma's boy and loves his mom more than anything and now has to move in with his dad. Thank goodness he can't process everything fully because having to call 911 and watch your mom die, undescribable. I am grateful to my friends who dropped everything and were there for me without question. I am grateful for the phone calls and the love I have recieved. I am grateful for Coyles who called and was there and would have done anything at my request and for the emails and phone calls from every one else.When I think about my cousins and what they are going through I just break down. I hope that we all realize how important everyone is in our lives. Live each day without regrets, don't put things off until tomorrow beacuse there may not be a tomorrow. Make friends with your enemies, be a good friend, accomplish your dreams, love with all your heart, and live today, be grateful to those people you have in your life and tell them how much you love them. There is so much I would have liked to tell my aunt, I wish I had spent more time with her, I wish I had been around more, I wish I had told her how much I love her and how grateful I am to her for being a second mom when I was younger and raising me. I realize today how important it is to have your life in order and be prepared, because you never know what day will be your last.I am also grateful for our gospel because I know I will see my aunt again and be able to go and hug her and tell her I love her. My cousins aren't memebers and don't have the same beliefs, can you imagine if we could never see those we love again? What a sad thing that would be.
Second note:
Since the death of my Aunt I haven't really had time or the desire to let it process. I cried on Sunday when I found out and then lost it Monday night because all those emotions were mixed with pains of a relationship. But for the rest of the week I pretended like it didn't happen.Today I had to face that reality. I spent the last couple days creating a slideshow to show at the memorial service today and it was a really emotional time. Seeing my Aunt and remembering all the Christmas's, Birthday's, party's and everything we have done together was really emotional. She was an amazing lady who is leaving behind three wonderful children.I am so grateful for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, even though it is such a long name :) haha.I realize how true our gospel is and how amazing the support system is. Within minutes of finding out about the death the ladies of the Relief Society went to work. We had dinner brought to our house the night she died. We had people at our house helping with funeral arrangements. And last night until the wee hours of the morning and ALL day today from 9am until 6pm, just now we had women over here working like crazy. The brought all the food, set up the yard, went shopping, and ran the luncheon. The love I feel for them is undescribable. One of the ladies I use to babysit for, for years and she is such an example to me. The other is my friend of 13 years Tawnie's mother who was here for 8 hours today. The women in the church are such a blessing. I feel so blessed to be in a church where you know you have immediate friends who love and care about you.I also love knowing that I will see my Aunt again.The actual funeral was hard. My mother gave the eulogy. Then Julie's children, my cousins, Amanda and Josh both spoke. That was hard. Listening to Amanda talk about how she not only lost her mother but her best friend and hearing my 19 year old cousin who has Down's Syndrome stand before us bawling and say how much he loves him mom and missed her--- yah I finally lost it. Knowing my cousins no longer have their mom in this earth life is really hard. She wont be there to see them get married and have children and all of those very important times.Once agian I hope we realize how important people are in our lives and that we shouldn't hold grudges, life is just too short.I am also grateful to all of those who stayed and cleaned up everything and were sooooo helpful!! I am grateful for Beth who just talked to me for like an hour, something I really needed! Thank you to all of my friends who offered to be here today at the memorial to just sit with me, that really means a lot. Knowing that I have such wonderful amazing people in my life is such a great feeling. I love all the people in my life and am so grateful for all of you!
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
No more teaching
So I complain and complain that I have no time.
Well my kids graduate and I finish student teaching, now I have time, but way too much of it!!
Do you know how boring it is to be home all day every day, yes to those of you who are busy busy busy this may seem nice, it did to me at frist but now I am going crazy, and mind you it has only been 3 days. You know it is getting bad when you think cleaning the bathroom sounds like fun. My mother is sure glad I am done, the house has been cleaned from top to bottom and lunch is made everyday, sure she benefits but I am going loco!
In these great economic days we are having I really hope that I find a job soon, I have three college degrees there is now way I am going to end up working at Jersey Mikes. That may sound snobbish-- yah it is, but I am way too smart for that. Great for those of you who need to get out and make money, I commend you but I need a real job and I need one quick!
On a happy note I have a sub orientation fro Saugus, sub interview for Newhall and teacher interview for Newhall... hoooray lets hope something positive comes out of these interviews!
Yesterday I had a thought.... do I really want to stay in Santa Clarita forever?? Yes I have lived in Utah for three years and Ecuador but do I really want to end up here?
I started to think of all the things I can still do, Hey I'm only 21!
Why not go teach in China or Mexico? Why not go to Harvard, just to say I did so.. my mom thinks its a great idea.... haha she just likes the fact that there is a 1% chance I could go there, meet the perfect someone who is smart and going to make some money!
Why not go back to Ecuador? Back to BYU? Something, anything, do I really need to stay here?
Yah it is comfortable, yah it is what I know, but should I let fear stand in the way?
I dunno!! I want to teach I really do but once I start I am in it for the long haul, well at least 2 years... ooooo how much I hate the state of California.. what is this you have to do two more years of dang induction once you finish your credential.. just so you can keep it...dumb dumb dumb. THat is influencing everything right now because I need to start teaching so I can get those two years done.
Another thing why are we so pressured to get married!! I find myself at singles ward thinking... what if I don;t get married? What if I can't find a guy who is not going to COC and has no idea what he wants to do with his life? Ahhh I mean if I start dating someone now and date him for a year then I will be 23, thats not too old but what if I dont start dating someone now....??
Then reality kicks in and I say, "Jessica SHUT UP!"
Freak!! You are only 21, a baby, young, not old, 21 21 21 you do not have to be married! YOu DO NOT live in Utah, you are not obligated to have 2 kids by now and be pregnant with the third, you do not have to marry a guy who has been off his mission for 3 days, you do not have to marry the first guy who comes along, hell you don't have to get married for a long long time!!
geeze... can the singles ward just leave us all alone! :)
On a happy note I decided to have a party. If people won't talk to Erica and I then we are going to make them! If the ward won't have any activities that foster getting to know eachother then we will! (Going to a dance once a month where the music is blaring and you can't even hear yourself think and everyone stands agianst the walls.. that is not really the ideal way to meet that special someone, or anyone for that matter) Anyway so yes Erica and I are having a party and it is going to be really fun!! Now the only question is, are people going to show up?? Man I sure hope so or we are going to look really stupid! But hey we will still have fun, Me, Erica and Miqui and Jessica- who we are forcing to be there! Haha I will have to let you know how this party goes, and for the love I am going to find Erica a man! Now Erica you really need a blog beacause you don't even know I am writing this. Oh! This one time in Utah a bunch of friends got together and bought a bilboard-- they put their friends picture on it and a website then people went to the website and filled out date applications and the guys had dates, a lot of them. Maybe that is the way to go! :)
Alrighty I guess I should go find something to do, just please I hope I find something better than cleaning the bathroom for the third time today.
read more "No more teaching"
Well my kids graduate and I finish student teaching, now I have time, but way too much of it!!
Do you know how boring it is to be home all day every day, yes to those of you who are busy busy busy this may seem nice, it did to me at frist but now I am going crazy, and mind you it has only been 3 days. You know it is getting bad when you think cleaning the bathroom sounds like fun. My mother is sure glad I am done, the house has been cleaned from top to bottom and lunch is made everyday, sure she benefits but I am going loco!
In these great economic days we are having I really hope that I find a job soon, I have three college degrees there is now way I am going to end up working at Jersey Mikes. That may sound snobbish-- yah it is, but I am way too smart for that. Great for those of you who need to get out and make money, I commend you but I need a real job and I need one quick!
On a happy note I have a sub orientation fro Saugus, sub interview for Newhall and teacher interview for Newhall... hoooray lets hope something positive comes out of these interviews!
Yesterday I had a thought.... do I really want to stay in Santa Clarita forever?? Yes I have lived in Utah for three years and Ecuador but do I really want to end up here?
I started to think of all the things I can still do, Hey I'm only 21!
Why not go teach in China or Mexico? Why not go to Harvard, just to say I did so.. my mom thinks its a great idea.... haha she just likes the fact that there is a 1% chance I could go there, meet the perfect someone who is smart and going to make some money!
Why not go back to Ecuador? Back to BYU? Something, anything, do I really need to stay here?
Yah it is comfortable, yah it is what I know, but should I let fear stand in the way?
I dunno!! I want to teach I really do but once I start I am in it for the long haul, well at least 2 years... ooooo how much I hate the state of California.. what is this you have to do two more years of dang induction once you finish your credential.. just so you can keep it...dumb dumb dumb. THat is influencing everything right now because I need to start teaching so I can get those two years done.
Another thing why are we so pressured to get married!! I find myself at singles ward thinking... what if I don;t get married? What if I can't find a guy who is not going to COC and has no idea what he wants to do with his life? Ahhh I mean if I start dating someone now and date him for a year then I will be 23, thats not too old but what if I dont start dating someone now....??
Then reality kicks in and I say, "Jessica SHUT UP!"
Freak!! You are only 21, a baby, young, not old, 21 21 21 you do not have to be married! YOu DO NOT live in Utah, you are not obligated to have 2 kids by now and be pregnant with the third, you do not have to marry a guy who has been off his mission for 3 days, you do not have to marry the first guy who comes along, hell you don't have to get married for a long long time!!
geeze... can the singles ward just leave us all alone! :)
On a happy note I decided to have a party. If people won't talk to Erica and I then we are going to make them! If the ward won't have any activities that foster getting to know eachother then we will! (Going to a dance once a month where the music is blaring and you can't even hear yourself think and everyone stands agianst the walls.. that is not really the ideal way to meet that special someone, or anyone for that matter) Anyway so yes Erica and I are having a party and it is going to be really fun!! Now the only question is, are people going to show up?? Man I sure hope so or we are going to look really stupid! But hey we will still have fun, Me, Erica and Miqui and Jessica- who we are forcing to be there! Haha I will have to let you know how this party goes, and for the love I am going to find Erica a man! Now Erica you really need a blog beacause you don't even know I am writing this. Oh! This one time in Utah a bunch of friends got together and bought a bilboard-- they put their friends picture on it and a website then people went to the website and filled out date applications and the guys had dates, a lot of them. Maybe that is the way to go! :)
Alrighty I guess I should go find something to do, just please I hope I find something better than cleaning the bathroom for the third time today.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Prayers
Man oh man have I learned about prayers this last week.
So two weeks ago Sunday I decided I needed to pray about me and Joshua. I had been struggling all week with bad feelings about our relationship but I really felt that I loved him and could make things work. Maybe it was just a phase?
I prayed, God said no.
God are you sure? God said no again.
God, maybe I am just interpreting these answers wrong, are you saying no? Or can I make this work? Bad feelings still.
God if you want Josh and I to break up he is either going to have to do something so terrible that it makes it easy for me to dump him or you are going to have to have him break up with me. Saturday he broke up with me.
Fastest and clearest answer to a prayer I have ever had.
I felt like Martin Harris and the plates, I am just glad that God did not say oh yah go ahead keep dating him and see what happens.
Even though I got such a clear answer it has still been hard. Yah yah yah we weren't together that long but I fell too fast for that kid, bad move.
And truthfully I think what is bugging me is that I waited until he broke up with me, I shoulda done it while I had the ball in my court.
Only thing my mom said was does Josh sing or play the guitar? No. Well then he just wasn't for you. Lol she knows me a little too well.
Anywho, so I learned more about interpreting prayers and that you may not always get what you want, what you think you need, what sounds right to you because guess what that may not be what the Lord has in store.
I have been struggling with singles ward lately. Erica and I go but whenever we go to activities all the other girls from our ward form circle and clicks and then we get the evil eye. Erica even ventured to talk to two girls on Sunday. The first is moving and the second got up and left right after we talked to her. Strike out.
When I was dating Joshua I got nothing but dirty looks from the girls, why are girls so mean!?
My mom says our problem is that we are competition.
I say damn straight we are two hot mamas! lol
Anyway we got to listen to another talk on Sunday about marriage and dating and how it is the most important thing we can do, imagine that a talk in singles ward about marriage.. that's a new one.
I am done with student teaching this week! I am excited because it will give me more time to focus on school but it will be sad to leave.
I love teaching so much! I get so excited when I think of perfect lessons for my kids or how much they are going to love an acivity we are doing.
Last week I did a unit on a story called Buffalo Hunt. I, excuse me, my parents builed a full size replica of an Indian Tipi (boy do I have a great appreciation for those Indian women, that was hard work)
Well I was able to teach my students in small groups outside in the tipi around the fire as we sat on buffalo rugs! It was sooo much fun! Then my students were able to illustrate their expository paragraphs on the tipi walls using Indian symbols. So much fun.
I am tired. Goodnight.
read more "Prayers"
So two weeks ago Sunday I decided I needed to pray about me and Joshua. I had been struggling all week with bad feelings about our relationship but I really felt that I loved him and could make things work. Maybe it was just a phase?
I prayed, God said no.
God are you sure? God said no again.
God, maybe I am just interpreting these answers wrong, are you saying no? Or can I make this work? Bad feelings still.
God if you want Josh and I to break up he is either going to have to do something so terrible that it makes it easy for me to dump him or you are going to have to have him break up with me. Saturday he broke up with me.
Fastest and clearest answer to a prayer I have ever had.
I felt like Martin Harris and the plates, I am just glad that God did not say oh yah go ahead keep dating him and see what happens.
Even though I got such a clear answer it has still been hard. Yah yah yah we weren't together that long but I fell too fast for that kid, bad move.
And truthfully I think what is bugging me is that I waited until he broke up with me, I shoulda done it while I had the ball in my court.
Only thing my mom said was does Josh sing or play the guitar? No. Well then he just wasn't for you. Lol she knows me a little too well.
Anywho, so I learned more about interpreting prayers and that you may not always get what you want, what you think you need, what sounds right to you because guess what that may not be what the Lord has in store.
I have been struggling with singles ward lately. Erica and I go but whenever we go to activities all the other girls from our ward form circle and clicks and then we get the evil eye. Erica even ventured to talk to two girls on Sunday. The first is moving and the second got up and left right after we talked to her. Strike out.
When I was dating Joshua I got nothing but dirty looks from the girls, why are girls so mean!?
My mom says our problem is that we are competition.
I say damn straight we are two hot mamas! lol
Anyway we got to listen to another talk on Sunday about marriage and dating and how it is the most important thing we can do, imagine that a talk in singles ward about marriage.. that's a new one.
I am done with student teaching this week! I am excited because it will give me more time to focus on school but it will be sad to leave.
I love teaching so much! I get so excited when I think of perfect lessons for my kids or how much they are going to love an acivity we are doing.
Last week I did a unit on a story called Buffalo Hunt. I, excuse me, my parents builed a full size replica of an Indian Tipi (boy do I have a great appreciation for those Indian women, that was hard work)
Well I was able to teach my students in small groups outside in the tipi around the fire as we sat on buffalo rugs! It was sooo much fun! Then my students were able to illustrate their expository paragraphs on the tipi walls using Indian symbols. So much fun.
I am tired. Goodnight.
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Home
So I have been home from Ecuador for about a month.
I miss it more than anything and wish I could be back there with all of my kids.
Being "home" in Cali is different and I actually miss Provo A LOT!
Living in a college town is the most wonderful thing ever, being here in Cali.. there is never anyting to do.
Although I have had some interesting adventures since I have been home.
School is extremely hard... duh it's graduate school, but it is long hours and constant work, can I be done already? The only thing that keeps me going is knowing that I will be done in a year!
Men.... I don't understand them. Confusing, confusing, confusing.
read more "Home"
I miss it more than anything and wish I could be back there with all of my kids.
Being "home" in Cali is different and I actually miss Provo A LOT!
Living in a college town is the most wonderful thing ever, being here in Cali.. there is never anyting to do.
Although I have had some interesting adventures since I have been home.
School is extremely hard... duh it's graduate school, but it is long hours and constant work, can I be done already? The only thing that keeps me going is knowing that I will be done in a year!
Men.... I don't understand them. Confusing, confusing, confusing.
Monday, June 18, 2007
Ecuador
hello to everyone in our address book! first i need to say that i am using a spanish keyboard and everything is weird i cannot figure out how to use capital letters lol. so anyways it has been a long few days we are here and are safe! our journey started thursday morning...we arrived at the airport got to the ticket counter and the lady who took Kayla's passport looked at us and said she can't go. we just stared at her, what do you mean she cant go? apparently to fly into quito your passport has to be valid for 6 months from the day you leave... her passport expied dec 1st and it was june 7th ...6days short!!! so to make a long story short we rushed to the federal building, cried to cut in the front of the line and after a very long 10 hour day of lines we got the passport!
so on friday we started the adventure again, my parents called it ground hog day so agian we went to the aiport and this time were able to get on the plane. at midnight we arrived in quito where we were picked up and taken to the quito volunteer house. we were greeted by 2 armed guards, no worries they are there to guard the house! we slept on bunkbeds that wobbled and were built with just sheet wood. at 6 am we got on the flight to cuenca, where we are today.
there has been so much to take in! we were greeted by 12 girls and 2 boys all of whom we will be living with for the next few months. the project directors and sweethearts and the house in very nice and very grande. today we had 3 orientations and were able to explore the city with our site leader. let me tell you that we stand out like a sore thumb!! especially me with the blond hair! the men just love us lol... we didnt go more than 20 feet with out getting a new cat call.. and quite frankly the city is scary!
there is mass poverty but also some very beautiful areas. we went to visit the coconut man. he carves beautiful jewlery out of this hardened fruit and it looks like ivory.
tomorrow we start our first shifts in the orphanage. 2 shifts... one from 7am til noon then we all come home and eat, mon through fri there is a cook who makes lunch. then we go to an afternoon shift around 2 and and come home at 7.
this shal be an adventure!
thank you for all your love and support
jess and kayla
p.s. appreciate your toliets! we are not allowed to flush anything down them, yes that includes toliet paper... so the little trash can by the toliet... yah, disgusting.
Hello family and friends!
We have completed our first week here, although it feels as if we have been here for a month. We work 2 shifts a day. The first is from 7-12. The second is from 2-6. In between we have a cook who cooks for us Monday-Friday. A typical meal consits of rice, potatoe, broccoli and some kind of meat.
Speaking of food, we had our first adventure to the supermaxi, that would be the grocery store. It was an adventure! There is no freezer section!! I wasn't aware that humans could survive with no frozen foods! Eggs are not kept in the fridge! We also had our first trip to the fruit market which is tables piled high of fresh fruits and veggies. There are people hand peeling pees, shucking corn, and using huge knives to chop bark off some types of roots.
We were able to go to Corpus Criste a huge celebration that has lasted over a week and when Ecuadorians party they party!! This is how Kayla described it "It was chaos! now i know why there are so many laws in the united stated we almost died like five times! There were paper cows with fireworks blowing off of them running threw masses of people. Dancers dressed in crazy costumes. Piles and piles of Ecuadorian candy. *we tried them ALL and no one got sick... so far!* There were giant barneys walking around and painted people. We had the Spanish teacher take us around so we were as safe as we could be"
Ok so back to what really matters... the work we are doing here!! So we work 2 shifts a day 7 days a week, and have only 2 shifts off a week! In addition on Wed and Thur nights we go to another orphanage from 6-7:30. On Tuesdays we have group meetings, on Sundays we have devotional, one day we go to supermaxi and one day we go to fruit buy so it is really busy! Some Sundays we get to go to church. I have been both Sundays and it has been wonderful! Although I cannot understand anything other than Jesus Cristo when we sing in Spanish the spirit is really strong. They have a keyboard and the boy who plays it must be about 6. The branch only has like 40 people in it!
We work in a total of 7 orphanages although we each have one that we work in the most. I work the most with the toddlers, almost everyday and Kayla works with the babies. Ecuadorian law does not allow us to use the names of the orphanages, the kids, or have any pictures of identifying infomation about the children sent to anyone, so I will try and tell you as much as I can. Kayla's kids are 2 days old to 2 years old. Mine are 2 years old to 5. In Kayla's section they just found a 2 day old abandoned baby. She does work such as change diapers, dress the kids, feed them, brush their teeth, bathe them and play with them. I do the same thing. She has about 8 ids and 4 babies and there are usually 2 to 3 girls working each shift. Where I work it is divided into 3 sections. Casa uno, dos and tres. The kids are divided by age and on average are 8 kids in each casa and one of us in each. They are adorable and have so much love for us! They call us mama which breaks my heart every time.
We also get to work in an orphanage with more babies and some handicapped children and another one with just severley handicapped children. The orphanages here are not what I expected. They are actual very nice! Some have volunteers that come from the community and they have everything they need... so it is not the run down desperation that I thought it would be. The kids eat basically soup and they grind up all the food into mush for the most part.
Anyway this is getting kind of long. We shal write more later, now we are trying to get Kayla registered to possibly to go BYUI in fall!!!!! :)
Thanks for all the love and support!
Jess and Kayla
Pictures from Ecuador... without the kids can be looked at at
http://byu.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2112809&l=99995&id=17802249
read more "Ecuador"
so on friday we started the adventure again, my parents called it ground hog day so agian we went to the aiport and this time were able to get on the plane. at midnight we arrived in quito where we were picked up and taken to the quito volunteer house. we were greeted by 2 armed guards, no worries they are there to guard the house! we slept on bunkbeds that wobbled and were built with just sheet wood. at 6 am we got on the flight to cuenca, where we are today.
there has been so much to take in! we were greeted by 12 girls and 2 boys all of whom we will be living with for the next few months. the project directors and sweethearts and the house in very nice and very grande. today we had 3 orientations and were able to explore the city with our site leader. let me tell you that we stand out like a sore thumb!! especially me with the blond hair! the men just love us lol... we didnt go more than 20 feet with out getting a new cat call.. and quite frankly the city is scary!
there is mass poverty but also some very beautiful areas. we went to visit the coconut man. he carves beautiful jewlery out of this hardened fruit and it looks like ivory.
tomorrow we start our first shifts in the orphanage. 2 shifts... one from 7am til noon then we all come home and eat, mon through fri there is a cook who makes lunch. then we go to an afternoon shift around 2 and and come home at 7.
this shal be an adventure!
thank you for all your love and support
jess and kayla
p.s. appreciate your toliets! we are not allowed to flush anything down them, yes that includes toliet paper... so the little trash can by the toliet... yah, disgusting.
Hello family and friends!
We have completed our first week here, although it feels as if we have been here for a month. We work 2 shifts a day. The first is from 7-12. The second is from 2-6. In between we have a cook who cooks for us Monday-Friday. A typical meal consits of rice, potatoe, broccoli and some kind of meat.
Speaking of food, we had our first adventure to the supermaxi, that would be the grocery store. It was an adventure! There is no freezer section!! I wasn't aware that humans could survive with no frozen foods! Eggs are not kept in the fridge! We also had our first trip to the fruit market which is tables piled high of fresh fruits and veggies. There are people hand peeling pees, shucking corn, and using huge knives to chop bark off some types of roots.
We were able to go to Corpus Criste a huge celebration that has lasted over a week and when Ecuadorians party they party!! This is how Kayla described it "It was chaos! now i know why there are so many laws in the united stated we almost died like five times! There were paper cows with fireworks blowing off of them running threw masses of people. Dancers dressed in crazy costumes. Piles and piles of Ecuadorian candy. *we tried them ALL and no one got sick... so far!* There were giant barneys walking around and painted people. We had the Spanish teacher take us around so we were as safe as we could be"
Ok so back to what really matters... the work we are doing here!! So we work 2 shifts a day 7 days a week, and have only 2 shifts off a week! In addition on Wed and Thur nights we go to another orphanage from 6-7:30. On Tuesdays we have group meetings, on Sundays we have devotional, one day we go to supermaxi and one day we go to fruit buy so it is really busy! Some Sundays we get to go to church. I have been both Sundays and it has been wonderful! Although I cannot understand anything other than Jesus Cristo when we sing in Spanish the spirit is really strong. They have a keyboard and the boy who plays it must be about 6. The branch only has like 40 people in it!
We work in a total of 7 orphanages although we each have one that we work in the most. I work the most with the toddlers, almost everyday and Kayla works with the babies. Ecuadorian law does not allow us to use the names of the orphanages, the kids, or have any pictures of identifying infomation about the children sent to anyone, so I will try and tell you as much as I can. Kayla's kids are 2 days old to 2 years old. Mine are 2 years old to 5. In Kayla's section they just found a 2 day old abandoned baby. She does work such as change diapers, dress the kids, feed them, brush their teeth, bathe them and play with them. I do the same thing. She has about 8 ids and 4 babies and there are usually 2 to 3 girls working each shift. Where I work it is divided into 3 sections. Casa uno, dos and tres. The kids are divided by age and on average are 8 kids in each casa and one of us in each. They are adorable and have so much love for us! They call us mama which breaks my heart every time.
We also get to work in an orphanage with more babies and some handicapped children and another one with just severley handicapped children. The orphanages here are not what I expected. They are actual very nice! Some have volunteers that come from the community and they have everything they need... so it is not the run down desperation that I thought it would be. The kids eat basically soup and they grind up all the food into mush for the most part.
Anyway this is getting kind of long. We shal write more later, now we are trying to get Kayla registered to possibly to go BYUI in fall!!!!! :)
Thanks for all the love and support!
Jess and Kayla
Pictures from Ecuador... without the kids can be looked at at
http://byu.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2112809&l=99995&id=17802249
Monday, March 26, 2007
Death
So wow a lot has happen and i have not written in a really long time
So I get an email from my dad that says my sister has a very serious infection, my sister has not talked to my parents in about a month since a huge fight and she moved out and is living with friends so I am kind of the mediator. Anyways so I call her and I find out that she had like a tumor, weird pocket thing in her uterus, in her fallopian(Sp) tube or something and she thought she just had a bladder infection because it hurt but it turns out it was a tumor thing and if she had waited even one more day before going to the doctor she may have died.... and if it had ruptured it would have given her a staff infection through out her entire body.. as of now we dont know if she will beable to have children... this is some serious stuff... really scary and makes you think how quickly things can be turned around and how fast you can loose a loved one. But she did tell me that she started talking to my mom and dad again which is a really good thing and they are going through family council apparently. So yah I guess it helped heal one problem, well part of it. Im scared to move home.
I flew home last week to take the CSET in the last hour I got a migraine and could not go back and check al my work becuase I could not even read the problems, I do not think I passed it was the hardest test ever and will cost $222 to retake the test. So that makes me so worried. It was a short trip home I flew home Friday night and flew back on Sunday morning but it was good. I got to go to lunch with my grammy and papa... well they had kayla and I over.. and we had boca burgers seeing as how K is vegan.. it wasnt hapf bad and I loved being with my grandparents they are soooo funny!!!
I is really really really really skinny and it worries me. She has a bf who in her mind is the greatest guy ever which I am happy for. Her and Ben are way over... can you believe they were together for like 4 years and now its done.. good I did not like Ben.
I also went to my Grandma Valda's like a month ago.. she lives in Plymouth Utah.. never heard of it? Not suprising its like 50 houses and thats it.. oh theres a gas station and its in the middle of nowhere and grandma who is 85 lives in a beaten down trailer with scary unlce jerry and its gross oh and she building a house... the house is coming along but she yes 85 year old grandma is building the house.. like with a hammer.. lol it looks really good and is going to be awesome but the closest town is 40 minutes away I dont know why she lives there. When Tawnie and I knocked on her door she has no idea who we were... we didnt tell her we were coming, thought it would be fun to be a suprise but then she was like Jessica?? and she was so excited.
Work is going great there is a student teacher in the class her name is Mrs Foster and she is very nice Some kids are still a struggle to deal with but the rest are adorable and we have so much fun. I hope I get into CSUN Im really worried because I am applying a month well 2 months late so I hope they do not fill... I just need to have a little faith
I am now scared to death to go to ecuador.. my sister is probably not going and I was so excited to go and spen time with her and grow closer to one another while serving but now Im just scared... a third world country where I dont speak the language... I know It will be amazing but I am FREAKING out! Oh man
On Friday Hailey Howard, Tawnie and I went up the south Fork park and had a campfire.. we had smacos (totrillas with marshmellows and chocolate) and we lit a bottle of hairspray on fire.. well not the bottle but you know you spray it and light the part that is coming out on fire so its like a flamming bottle of hairspray it was fun lol and we had a boombox and just had a grand ol time. We stank after... really reaked of smoke PU
But it was a lot of funSatuday was the stake Sunday Musical thing kind of like a roadshow that was a lot of fun as well. I am really ready to go home and get away from utah. Yup.
read more "Death"
So I get an email from my dad that says my sister has a very serious infection, my sister has not talked to my parents in about a month since a huge fight and she moved out and is living with friends so I am kind of the mediator. Anyways so I call her and I find out that she had like a tumor, weird pocket thing in her uterus, in her fallopian(Sp) tube or something and she thought she just had a bladder infection because it hurt but it turns out it was a tumor thing and if she had waited even one more day before going to the doctor she may have died.... and if it had ruptured it would have given her a staff infection through out her entire body.. as of now we dont know if she will beable to have children... this is some serious stuff... really scary and makes you think how quickly things can be turned around and how fast you can loose a loved one. But she did tell me that she started talking to my mom and dad again which is a really good thing and they are going through family council apparently. So yah I guess it helped heal one problem, well part of it. Im scared to move home.
I flew home last week to take the CSET in the last hour I got a migraine and could not go back and check al my work becuase I could not even read the problems, I do not think I passed it was the hardest test ever and will cost $222 to retake the test. So that makes me so worried. It was a short trip home I flew home Friday night and flew back on Sunday morning but it was good. I got to go to lunch with my grammy and papa... well they had kayla and I over.. and we had boca burgers seeing as how K is vegan.. it wasnt hapf bad and I loved being with my grandparents they are soooo funny!!!
I is really really really really skinny and it worries me. She has a bf who in her mind is the greatest guy ever which I am happy for. Her and Ben are way over... can you believe they were together for like 4 years and now its done.. good I did not like Ben.
I also went to my Grandma Valda's like a month ago.. she lives in Plymouth Utah.. never heard of it? Not suprising its like 50 houses and thats it.. oh theres a gas station and its in the middle of nowhere and grandma who is 85 lives in a beaten down trailer with scary unlce jerry and its gross oh and she building a house... the house is coming along but she yes 85 year old grandma is building the house.. like with a hammer.. lol it looks really good and is going to be awesome but the closest town is 40 minutes away I dont know why she lives there. When Tawnie and I knocked on her door she has no idea who we were... we didnt tell her we were coming, thought it would be fun to be a suprise but then she was like Jessica?? and she was so excited.
Work is going great there is a student teacher in the class her name is Mrs Foster and she is very nice Some kids are still a struggle to deal with but the rest are adorable and we have so much fun. I hope I get into CSUN Im really worried because I am applying a month well 2 months late so I hope they do not fill... I just need to have a little faith
I am now scared to death to go to ecuador.. my sister is probably not going and I was so excited to go and spen time with her and grow closer to one another while serving but now Im just scared... a third world country where I dont speak the language... I know It will be amazing but I am FREAKING out! Oh man
On Friday Hailey Howard, Tawnie and I went up the south Fork park and had a campfire.. we had smacos (totrillas with marshmellows and chocolate) and we lit a bottle of hairspray on fire.. well not the bottle but you know you spray it and light the part that is coming out on fire so its like a flamming bottle of hairspray it was fun lol and we had a boombox and just had a grand ol time. We stank after... really reaked of smoke PU
But it was a lot of funSatuday was the stake Sunday Musical thing kind of like a roadshow that was a lot of fun as well. I am really ready to go home and get away from utah. Yup.
Monday, January 15, 2007
Grateful
Today I was just hit hard by gratitude. I am so grateful for my friends and the people who have been and who are a part of my life, even if things ended badly Im glad that I knew them when I did and that they enriched my life. Im grateful simply to be alive. This is one of my friends cars.
Glad he's alive.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Moving Back
So as of today I am moving back to Cali next year and I am really excited. So school ends May 25th and then I will move home, hopefully go to Ecuador June 7- Aug 24 then start CSUB in September. The past 3 years in Provo have been just dandy but this year is just not doing it for me, I have never wanted to go home while leaving here but this year I just want to be home!! It's great and dandy but it's not "fun" like it use to be, with a great ward, and activities all the time, anyway I mean my one roommate wont do anything social, so it's hard to go to anything from Church activities to school ones to just fun ones cuz she wont go anywhere but this semester its guna be different. I will face going alone but Im going to go to institute and all the "fun" stuff. I really miss the Sarah. Anyways hopefully I will be able to do some international cinema with Gretchen, movies and dances with Ashley, and just have a fun last semster in Utah cuz then it's back to California! Im nervous to go back but really excited and I really hope that I can settle into the singles ward there and back to living at home.... eeeek! But Ill love it.. no one is ever home at my house anyways. In other news I have a 4 day weekend which will be exciting. Tonight Gretchen and Hailey and I are going out, already went to the gym... I think I am going to go earlier now because there are way less people. I really miss Coyles and am looking forward to being back in cali with her and being able to hang out and talk face to face
oops dinner is done
read more "Moving Back"
oops dinner is done
Friday, January 05, 2007
New... dare I say roommates?!
So I had a wonderful day at school... getting off at 1:30 today and on my way out to the car I get a voicemail from Tawnie... Jessica!!! You are going to be soooo mad!! I walked into the house today to BLARING country music.. Hayleys new roommate is here.... oh and shes an RM!!!!!!!!!
what a message! Oh man... So my stomach instantly turns to knots.. i get the guts to walk inside the apt.. and shes not here right now! I dunno what the problem is but I don't like meeting new people especially ones I have to live with!! What if things are worse than first semester.. I don't think thats possible.. but what if??? Oh man I gotta lay off the what if's.. but I'm freaking out!! I want things to go well and for everyone to mesh and get along I just don't want anymore crazyness here so I really hope everything works out!! I really don't want to be home right now.. especially home alone!! Ahhh! Oh boy. Ok I know everything will be great but I was hoping for a few more days with just Tawnie and I being here. Anyways I just think its weird that shes an RM... cuz shes way older than all of us. Oh dear. Ok so I best go learn some spanish... ecuador may be a calling!
read more "New... dare I say roommates?!"
what a message! Oh man... So my stomach instantly turns to knots.. i get the guts to walk inside the apt.. and shes not here right now! I dunno what the problem is but I don't like meeting new people especially ones I have to live with!! What if things are worse than first semester.. I don't think thats possible.. but what if??? Oh man I gotta lay off the what if's.. but I'm freaking out!! I want things to go well and for everyone to mesh and get along I just don't want anymore crazyness here so I really hope everything works out!! I really don't want to be home right now.. especially home alone!! Ahhh! Oh boy. Ok I know everything will be great but I was hoping for a few more days with just Tawnie and I being here. Anyways I just think its weird that shes an RM... cuz shes way older than all of us. Oh dear. Ok so I best go learn some spanish... ecuador may be a calling!
Thursday, January 04, 2007
back to utah
So leaving Cali was a huge upset for me and I finally realized why. I never thought I would really "miss" my family. This is my third year up here in Provo and I have never been homesick. Usually I love going back to cali to see my family, coyles, and of course my dogs lol but when the time comes to go home I'm a bit sad but ready to get back to things. It's like havin two lives... which in itself is weird! Ok so this year I really didn't want to come back not at thanksgiving and not now. I realize now that is really is true.. i miss my family. I think the thing that has changed is simple: my family. Growing up the house was full of hatred, screaming, fights every day, yelling, emotional issues, everyone pretty much hated eachother and put us all together and things got worse.. basically I lived on the verge that my parents would be separated at any day.. our house was built on eggs and do many had cracked there was barely anything holding it up. As the years went past my parents tried everything to hold the family together, basically only staying together because of my sister and I. Well after counseling failed, and those men are from mars women from venus videos, and everything else they seeked, things were still bad. However... things have finally changed. My parents constant efforts and endulging themselves more in church has really paid off. I remember 2 years ago when i went home I saw my parents sitting on the couch together.... and my dad had his arm around my mom.... I have never ever seen anything like this before and was a little taken back. In new York they actually walked down the streets holding hands and in Europe there was only one explosion... thank goodness! Parents can be irrational and embarassing in public.. anyways they actually.. dare I say it.. love eachother now?! Yah. So I like being home.. there isnt as much arguing I dont have to sit in the closet and cry or get in the car and just get out of there ... I can be home and truely love being home. I like being around my parents and my sister. My sister has come a long long long way. We use to hate eachother with a passion and I was pretty much for lack of other words a complete and total bi*ch to her. About 3 years ago we started to get along and last year we became so close and my love for her has grown a hundred fold. We can hang out and talk about things and it is just awesome. She too has come out of a really really hard time of her life and although she is still facing so many challenges with my parents they even get along. Anyway life is so much better and I have never had a chance to live with this "new" family. Which is a huge part of why I really want to go home next year and do school in Cali.. although I don't know if its just a facade. But whatever it is, I like it. Just goes to show people can really change if they want to.
Anyways enough about the family mumbo jumbo. Its snowing outside and I am not a fan!! Life was going so well here in Provo.. I have no roommates this week except tawnie and the one who hates everyone has moved out. Furthermore there is nobody in this complex so there is sooooo much parking!! It is so nice to beable to go to the gym and come home and not worry about where i am going to park.. we can leave and come as we please and know our spot will be there... sounds trivial and stupid but it's amazing the kind of things that can make you smile. For the only time I have acutally enjoyed living in this ghetto hole in the ground complex. I still wish so much that I could somehow move out but we are making the best of things. Speaking of making one smile.. I got a magic bullet for christmas ... lol.. it is the most amazing blended on the earth lol it is so awesome and Tawnie and I are having so much fun concocting things in that blender of ours.
Christmas was wonderful. Going to my grandmas was amazing.. something I look forward to every year. I love my family and seing all of them at Grandmas is so much fun. Especially eating grandmas food and just laughing for hours. Christmas morning is pretty much a laugh fest at our house with my dad always saying.. what is it velvet? Who knows where that came from but he has been saying it every year for as long as I can remember. Anyway this christmas was good.. my family and I decided to keep things simple and instead of overloading on presents for ourselves we decided that we would get credit gift cards with money on them and all year long we would buy christmas presents for the Sheriffs Childrens donation thing and then donate them all next year. So it will be like remembering others and what Christmas is all about. all year long. I love my mom for it. her and my sister and really have the kindest of hearts and are so willing to give.
read more "back to utah"
Anyways enough about the family mumbo jumbo. Its snowing outside and I am not a fan!! Life was going so well here in Provo.. I have no roommates this week except tawnie and the one who hates everyone has moved out. Furthermore there is nobody in this complex so there is sooooo much parking!! It is so nice to beable to go to the gym and come home and not worry about where i am going to park.. we can leave and come as we please and know our spot will be there... sounds trivial and stupid but it's amazing the kind of things that can make you smile. For the only time I have acutally enjoyed living in this ghetto hole in the ground complex. I still wish so much that I could somehow move out but we are making the best of things. Speaking of making one smile.. I got a magic bullet for christmas ... lol.. it is the most amazing blended on the earth lol it is so awesome and Tawnie and I are having so much fun concocting things in that blender of ours.
Christmas was wonderful. Going to my grandmas was amazing.. something I look forward to every year. I love my family and seing all of them at Grandmas is so much fun. Especially eating grandmas food and just laughing for hours. Christmas morning is pretty much a laugh fest at our house with my dad always saying.. what is it velvet? Who knows where that came from but he has been saying it every year for as long as I can remember. Anyway this christmas was good.. my family and I decided to keep things simple and instead of overloading on presents for ourselves we decided that we would get credit gift cards with money on them and all year long we would buy christmas presents for the Sheriffs Childrens donation thing and then donate them all next year. So it will be like remembering others and what Christmas is all about. all year long. I love my mom for it. her and my sister and really have the kindest of hearts and are so willing to give.
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Cali
So Im finally in cali. It took tawnie and I 11 hours to get here due to 2 hours of traffic... or else we woulda made such good time. But we had a fun drive with in n out and starbucks and lots of singing and getting crazy. Yesterday I went to dinner with coyles and her BF at olive garden. It was lots of fun we exchanged xmas presents and She got me lucky number sleven and shes the man... with channing tatum... mmmmm... lol i am excited for both of those movies! Anyway I am so excited for her because she hasnt been this happy in sooo sooo sooo long and I have just been praying that she can find someone to make her smile.. and let me tell you she is smiling.. she has the biggest smile on her face all the time and the joy just radiates off her.. funny how a guy cam make you so happy!! Im really realy excited for her.. i mean the happiness is running through my bones as well~ and he is a really nice lol guy~ so yesterday I went to my dads work kayla and i took him lunch it was fun and he was excited to see us i feel so bad for him these 2 weeks before xmas he works about 17 hour days.. up at 2 or 3 am and works til 8 its wrong... and hes getting too old to do it. Stupid fedex. Anyway it was fun to see him and spend time with kayla.. who by the way i love to death but is scarying me.. shes lost probably at least 10 pounds... that is a heck of a lot when you only weight 110 to begin with.. she is soooooo skinny that it is scary! shes vegan now... i mean i see her eat but she doesnt eat a lot and what she does eat is super healthy but still shes way to skinny we are all worried about her I hope it all is ok and she doesnt loose any more weight. I wont see Coyles again til tuesday and sadly that is the last time i will see her... gay! i wish we had more time to spend together and actually go out and do some fun things but its just that time of the year when things are too crazy sometimes i miss the simplier days when we were at aoc and saw eachother all the time and had classes together and just life was simple... relatively speaking lol. but yah. hopefully i will get to come home again and spend time with her... k and i wont know if we were accepted to ecuador until mid january.. the wait is killing me.. i just want to know if we get to go so then i can start worrying about getting 4000 dollars! yikes! but it will be worth it. yup yup yup yup im excited for sunday because i get to go to my grandmas and eat really really good food.. its the little things that excite me and I love love love my grandma cioffi grammy and papa i should say! so that will be fun!
read more "Cali"
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Better
So things got a little rough last week... huge fight with the roommate and it was well pretty bad. So yesterday we had a roommate council and we sat down adn discussed everything that was bothering everyone and ways to implement new things to help. We are starting roommate prayer and scripture study which will be a really good thing and for the most part issues were resloved. The only thing that is still weighing on my mind is the one person who needed to put imput into the group and talk about the problems didnt say anything. tawnie and I both appologized but as of now I dont know where to go from here. Everyone else talked and tried to make things better... I just hope she will come around soon and things will be fine. I still fell the need to move out of here.. not because of the issues but because of the boy next door. I just cant handle it anymore. I know its been a really long time and I should just forget about it but hes too close and I just get my feeling re hurt everyday because of knowing what a jerk people can become. In all honesty it's something I should not have to have weighing on me everyday... but my eyes have to see it everyday so moving is a necessity... oh how I wish I could go back in time and live somewhere far away... Orem LOL. Anyways I really like my ward though.. theres some way cool people and lots who are fun. Gretchen and I trying to be more outgoing and get out and do things. So on Friday we went to Monster Mash.. it was pretty fun one of the bands was a guy from my old Cinnamon Tree ward.. they were way good. Then we went through the haunted Maze lol way lame but fun and freaky cuz we just scared ourselves haha. The DJ was way good but we left cuz we had been there for a long time... oh before that we had been on campus for the end of the ramadan thing so that was very interesting to learn about a new culture. Anyway on our way out to the car from the Wilk the smell of pot was intense!! Im like what the heck is someone doing smoking pot on the BYU campus it was quite funny but I think I may have gotten a little second hand pot because by the time I got home I was... well... even more crazy that usual that late at night. I could not stop talking like 800 miles and hour then in our room tawnie broke a light stick so gretchen and I ended up paiting our bodies with it and doing a light dance... yah it was intense.. after about 40 minutes I had "the munchies" LOL ate like half a box of wheat thins.. n e way it was a way fun night. The on saturday we had a barn bash.. so i got tawnie all ready and did her hair way cute but then... I tried to get my cat costume together and well... it was a disaster so then I tried to get my back up life guard costume.. that was even bigger of a disaster so now we are getting way late so I ended up going as a punk... I had my shirt that has all the holes in it and a few studded belts and jewlery and some pants which i had ripped the heck out of ... and which I continued to rip as we left lol and I did my hair all crazy and my make up. N e way so it took us like 40 min to get there and the consturction was the devil. Wen we finally got there it was kinda fun.. I ended up being handcuffed to Will .. good thing he had the keys and he let me borrow his gun lol fun times. The DJ was pretty lame so we left early and then we to starbucks and mcdonalds.. by that point everyone got a little crazy. They all had big bills so we went throught he drive through 3 times.. each time ordering in a funny voice and I cant tell you how many times tawnie had to open the door and spit out her diet coke cuz we were laughing so hard.. it was one of the funnest times ever.. who knew a few bucks and a drive through can provide such entertainment and bonding.. it was awesome.
In a more serious sense I am having a really really hard time right now with "deciding my future" i have no idea if I truely want to go into teaching.. and if I do... do I go to Cali? do I stay in Utah? Its been really hard because i just feel way lost in it all. I know I am going to Ecuador this summer... that is something I need to do no matter how much it cost I know I need to go with my sister and I know it will be the biggest blessing to my life. But what to do after that? I am ust freaking out! I dont have much time to decide what to do and I am beyond confused... so Im hoping to get some inspiration soon! Cuz I need it!!
read more "Better"
In a more serious sense I am having a really really hard time right now with "deciding my future" i have no idea if I truely want to go into teaching.. and if I do... do I go to Cali? do I stay in Utah? Its been really hard because i just feel way lost in it all. I know I am going to Ecuador this summer... that is something I need to do no matter how much it cost I know I need to go with my sister and I know it will be the biggest blessing to my life. But what to do after that? I am ust freaking out! I dont have much time to decide what to do and I am beyond confused... so Im hoping to get some inspiration soon! Cuz I need it!!
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
fun
So I have no work today tomorrow or friday!! I love work but I am excited to sleep in!! Today I was able to sleept til 10.. nice!! Then the Tawnsters and I went to lunch at Subway.. and now we smell.. brings back sooooooooooooooo many good memories of Sarah.. man I miss her soooo freaking much I just wish she would come back to Provo!! In other news... my sister and I really might be going to Equador this summer... we just wish we could go in the winter cuz it is way way wya wya tooo hot in the summer but it is an experience that will be well well well worth it. I hope that we will beable to go and help the kids in the orphanages we just need 3,000 each to get us there and stay for 3 months... thats guna hurt but yah. Anyway I just have to say how funny little kids are. Yesterday at work i was talking to little taylen.. he is 7. So he was telling me how he went to this petting zoo thing and here is what our convo was
" I got to touch a cow and it wasnt even slimey!"
"OOOO that sounds like fun"
"Yah I tried to pull on its little things to see if milk would come out"
" Thats called its udder, like in the song we sang the other day, only girl cows have udders"
" only girls? why not the boys? Well........... then can i milk you??"
OHMIGOSH I almost peed my pants! Kids are hillarious
this is the same kid who in this journal writes:
After I cry i just sit there... (crickets chirping)... well? why isnt anyone laughing?
he also wrote:
If I had 1000000 sisters... my house would blow up
I tell yah workign with kids is the most amazing thing.. now I just have to figure out how to get my stinking credentials!!
read more "fun"
" I got to touch a cow and it wasnt even slimey!"
"OOOO that sounds like fun"
"Yah I tried to pull on its little things to see if milk would come out"
" Thats called its udder, like in the song we sang the other day, only girl cows have udders"
" only girls? why not the boys? Well........... then can i milk you??"
OHMIGOSH I almost peed my pants! Kids are hillarious
this is the same kid who in this journal writes:
After I cry i just sit there... (crickets chirping)... well? why isnt anyone laughing?
he also wrote:
If I had 1000000 sisters... my house would blow up
I tell yah workign with kids is the most amazing thing.. now I just have to figure out how to get my stinking credentials!!
Thursday, October 05, 2006
stuff
so some genious decided to rip out all the plants and bushes behind my apt( they use to cover our window and the windows of the apt next to us).. so now anyone of the sidewalk, street, a few apt and houses can now see straight into our bredroom... guess its time to start closing the blinds when we change lol. I want our plants back!
Its sep and its rained almost every weekend since I have moved to Utah... Im scared for the winter.
I love the rain but it ruins outside activities and I really wanted to have our campfire and dance this weekend so lets hope it goes away
it seems to always rain on laundry day
i am going to equador with my sister this summer.. or so we are talking about it... i just dont think i can stand the heat.... hmmmmm big decision
i still cant decide what to do about my teaching credentials.. i think its what i really want in life but i have decide now wether i am going to live in utah or live in cali or maybe somewhere else.. BIG DECISION and I have no idea what to do!!!!! But i need to decide soon, really soon!! I need to pick a state to get certified in and Im scared!
tawnie and i have only the finale of season 1 of alias that we are going to watch after the gym today i am soooo excited its like my 2nd fav episode
last night was hayleys bday i made a cake and got some ice cream... silly me to think there would be cake today when i got home from work.. i do live with 5 other people hahaha
went to the gym yesterday but it was so hot and packed that we ended up running outside in the gym parking lot.. fun times fun times
i have been told that i talk to tawnie in my sleep apparently every night. I have never been a deep sleeper until this year.. which is odd ... it use to take me hours to fall asleep at night and i would wake up every hour after that and to any noise.. well this year has been a blessing i fall asleep in minutes and dont wake up to anything... well except I am told i wake up and say "ohmigosh" every time the lgiht comes on and often I wake up and tell Tawnie what time it is and that I havent slept yet haha
I love school I love the kids I love Mrs Midgley! Shes amazing
I miss my parents and my sister and my dogs and my coyles a lot a lot a lot
i have next wed thur and fri off!! crazy
read more "stuff"
Its sep and its rained almost every weekend since I have moved to Utah... Im scared for the winter.
I love the rain but it ruins outside activities and I really wanted to have our campfire and dance this weekend so lets hope it goes away
it seems to always rain on laundry day
i am going to equador with my sister this summer.. or so we are talking about it... i just dont think i can stand the heat.... hmmmmm big decision
i still cant decide what to do about my teaching credentials.. i think its what i really want in life but i have decide now wether i am going to live in utah or live in cali or maybe somewhere else.. BIG DECISION and I have no idea what to do!!!!! But i need to decide soon, really soon!! I need to pick a state to get certified in and Im scared!
tawnie and i have only the finale of season 1 of alias that we are going to watch after the gym today i am soooo excited its like my 2nd fav episode
last night was hayleys bday i made a cake and got some ice cream... silly me to think there would be cake today when i got home from work.. i do live with 5 other people hahaha
went to the gym yesterday but it was so hot and packed that we ended up running outside in the gym parking lot.. fun times fun times
i have been told that i talk to tawnie in my sleep apparently every night. I have never been a deep sleeper until this year.. which is odd ... it use to take me hours to fall asleep at night and i would wake up every hour after that and to any noise.. well this year has been a blessing i fall asleep in minutes and dont wake up to anything... well except I am told i wake up and say "ohmigosh" every time the lgiht comes on and often I wake up and tell Tawnie what time it is and that I havent slept yet haha
I love school I love the kids I love Mrs Midgley! Shes amazing
I miss my parents and my sister and my dogs and my coyles a lot a lot a lot
i have next wed thur and fri off!! crazy
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Venting
So beware this is a vent and I am writing when I am mad so yah thats your forewarning.
I hate him. Hes totally turned into the biggest Ahole I have ever met! First and foremost I don't know what happen and probably will never know but 1/2 way through summer things changed and someone didnt want to be friends with me anymore for fear of sending the wrong signals. Ok whatever. about 2 weeks after getting back I go off and write and email and he comes over and we talk and I think things will be fine. Yet he still ignores me ok whatever we cant be friends anymore...stupidest thing I have ever heard. Yet me I cant leave it at that. I get an email from his friend that says why are you so mad at him he feels bad so I am like whatever I am not mad at him in anyway. So I figure maybe I should go over there and just make peace. I talk to my roommate Laura and she says I should I decide no cuz he might think the wrong thing but she keeps pushing so Im like ok maybe it is the right thing to do. So I go over and he is not there so we try one more time and he is still not there so I just leave it with a note and try and make peace but yah nothing. Didnt even bring the effing plate back. So finally tongiht my roommate gets the plate and then goes over to end this whole shiz once and for all. He says that I am being aggressive and ruining the friendship. First and foremost there is no friendship and second I have talked tried talking to him 2x in over a month and a half... that is anything but aggressive!!!!! OK WTF The only reason I even tried to talk is cuz I cant handle having people hate me for no reason and I cant handle people being mad at me and not talkign to people who were friends. It just bugs me sooo much and I personally just cant handle that kinda stuff I just have to settle things and have them be ok. SO forgive me for trying to fix things!! And oh she wont even make eye contact with me... i didnt even see him wave!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Furthermore I was freaked out to move out here in the first place when I found out where I was living cuz I thought he would freak out but I talked to my parents and my dad asured me that he was a really awesome guy and he wouldnt read into it and find it weird that he would think it was kewl to live close to a friend. Obviously my parents were wrong!! GRRR to them having faith in someone they think is awesome cuz he is just retarted so dont even ask why i still want more than anything to just be friends with him. He makes me so happy and is just so much fun to hang out with and i lovED being friends with him but as far as I am concerned that is over. He is being a total jerk and saying that I am being aggressive.. the nerve! Whatever Im sorry for listening to my roommates and Im sorry I live here and Im sorry to ruin his life but grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr grrr to all of it. I didnt do anything wrong!! But from now on its over. over. over. over.... haha or at least I will keep telling myself until I can convince myself that we are no longer friends since that is how he is treating the situation. But as my roommates have told me its all in the past just let it be in the past. the key phrase is "use to be" he "use to be" nice "he use to" care. Nope he was just using me and now I am no longer needed. Silly me to think we were actual friends. I thought we could have fun together and that he actually cared even a rats ass about me but aparently I was mistaken cuz I was just someone with a car to kill time with. even though deep down I know that is not true I just hate it I hate it all. Im going home. oh man thank goodness for tawnie we are going to go watch ALIAS and drool over Vaughn cuz he is gorgeous and by the way
ALIAS IS BETTER THAN 24!
read more "Venting"
I hate him. Hes totally turned into the biggest Ahole I have ever met! First and foremost I don't know what happen and probably will never know but 1/2 way through summer things changed and someone didnt want to be friends with me anymore for fear of sending the wrong signals. Ok whatever. about 2 weeks after getting back I go off and write and email and he comes over and we talk and I think things will be fine. Yet he still ignores me ok whatever we cant be friends anymore...stupidest thing I have ever heard. Yet me I cant leave it at that. I get an email from his friend that says why are you so mad at him he feels bad so I am like whatever I am not mad at him in anyway. So I figure maybe I should go over there and just make peace. I talk to my roommate Laura and she says I should I decide no cuz he might think the wrong thing but she keeps pushing so Im like ok maybe it is the right thing to do. So I go over and he is not there so we try one more time and he is still not there so I just leave it with a note and try and make peace but yah nothing. Didnt even bring the effing plate back. So finally tongiht my roommate gets the plate and then goes over to end this whole shiz once and for all. He says that I am being aggressive and ruining the friendship. First and foremost there is no friendship and second I have talked tried talking to him 2x in over a month and a half... that is anything but aggressive!!!!! OK WTF The only reason I even tried to talk is cuz I cant handle having people hate me for no reason and I cant handle people being mad at me and not talkign to people who were friends. It just bugs me sooo much and I personally just cant handle that kinda stuff I just have to settle things and have them be ok. SO forgive me for trying to fix things!! And oh she wont even make eye contact with me... i didnt even see him wave!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Furthermore I was freaked out to move out here in the first place when I found out where I was living cuz I thought he would freak out but I talked to my parents and my dad asured me that he was a really awesome guy and he wouldnt read into it and find it weird that he would think it was kewl to live close to a friend. Obviously my parents were wrong!! GRRR to them having faith in someone they think is awesome cuz he is just retarted so dont even ask why i still want more than anything to just be friends with him. He makes me so happy and is just so much fun to hang out with and i lovED being friends with him but as far as I am concerned that is over. He is being a total jerk and saying that I am being aggressive.. the nerve! Whatever Im sorry for listening to my roommates and Im sorry I live here and Im sorry to ruin his life but grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr grrr to all of it. I didnt do anything wrong!! But from now on its over. over. over. over.... haha or at least I will keep telling myself until I can convince myself that we are no longer friends since that is how he is treating the situation. But as my roommates have told me its all in the past just let it be in the past. the key phrase is "use to be" he "use to be" nice "he use to" care. Nope he was just using me and now I am no longer needed. Silly me to think we were actual friends. I thought we could have fun together and that he actually cared even a rats ass about me but aparently I was mistaken cuz I was just someone with a car to kill time with. even though deep down I know that is not true I just hate it I hate it all. Im going home. oh man thank goodness for tawnie we are going to go watch ALIAS and drool over Vaughn cuz he is gorgeous and by the way
ALIAS IS BETTER THAN 24!
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
better
Im done with my pitty party. Im just greatful to be alive and experiencing all life has to offer. Its a blessing in itself to be here on this earth and to meet people and have the experience we have. My moms words fill my head these days: people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I love her. Anyways things have been going great, I love teaching i def want to do it for the rest of my life, I am the ward photographer which is a blessing in itself and amazing!, life is great. Tawnie and I are getting along well and having sooo much fun. Ashely and I have been able to hang out often and I love her to death. Im happy.
read more "better"
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